


Spaced Out

by infinateuniverse



Series: a frequency of our own [1]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: 1990s, Alternate Universe - Police, Brain Damage, Canonical Character Death, Catholicism, Friendship/Love, Gen, Good Parent Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Mental Health Issues, Other, Strange Phenomenon, Touch-Starved, UFOs, past trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:41:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 26,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27772423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/infinateuniverse/pseuds/infinateuniverse
Summary: Eddie’s eyes snap to Buck’s who still looks up at the stars, a look of such wonder on his features. Every time he looks up, it looks to Eddie like he’s looking at the sky for the first time. It’s quite extraordinary. Buck is quite extraordinary. “I also travel, to other places. We share information.” Buck continues. “The government’s official account doesn’t always match up with what we see.”“You’re not just talking about the stars, are you, Buck?”
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Maddie Buckley, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan “Buck” Buckley & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Maddie Buckley/Howie "Chimney" Han, Past Eddie Diaz/Shannon Diaz
Series: a frequency of our own [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2132382
Comments: 31
Kudos: 84





	Spaced Out

**Author's Note:**

> Slight OOC 'cause Buck's a little... Soft in the melon... If you catch my drift... I also wrote Eddie Diaz a little softer, but not in the head, just in the heart.  
> This fic get's a bit darker towards the end, so beware of that.  
> Enjoy.. :) xx

“Um, sir?” Eddie asks in a firm voice as he moves his head forward, following the movements of the man in front of him. He has his flashlight out and is pointing it towards him, the fire lighted in front of the old RV and the multi-coloured lights hanging above give off lots of light, but not clear enough to see the man’s face. The empty field they’re in the middle of doesn’t help much either. They’re not completely in an empty field, they’re sort of hidden by a small treeline blocking the sight of the road, but beyond that there’s just empty grass, that’s where they are. “You’re not really supposed to be here. This is county property.”

The young man, from what Eddie can tell, is in his late twenties. He’s shuffling between a fold up chair and a small wooden deck set up in front of the RV where a few empty crates hold up what looks like a coffee machine, some papers, a telescope off to the side, and a few other curious knickknacks. It’s a little messy and a whole lot bizarre. When Chimney said they had to check something out, Eddie wasn’t expecting to drive up to a hippie’s hut on the edge of town. He tried to ask Chimney about the call, but he was busy on the phone with his fiancée who’s three months into a difficult pregnancy, their first. He’s still in the car talking to her as Eddie checks out the scene. Chimney had no trouble with him going out alone. It must not be serious.

The man lifts his hand up against the flashlight that Eddie quickly points to the ground instead, his eyes adjusting to the soft features of the man before him. Hard around the eyes and jaw, but fair skin. His eyes a lighter colour, and hair a shade of blonde, in long strands of shagginess around and framing his face. Something like a bruise above one eye, but Eddie knows bruises, that isn’t one, it must be a birth mark. His mouth is turned down into a frown as his eyes squint up at Eddie’s. “Turn it off!” He says quickly, his hands moving outwards, shaking them hurriedly. A whooshing sort of motion as though he were pushing an invisible entity away. “The light! Turn it off! You’re going to scare them!”

Eddie is at a loss now, his head is empty, but the continued agitation of this guy has Eddie nodding and doing just that. Hands held out in a way to assert that he’s not a risk as his training taught him, he turns it off. “I’m turning it off, okay? See? It’s off.”

He turns it off and the guy bristles. “I’m not an idiot.” He says before moving back to his pull out chair that looks more like an old and stolen lawn chair, if Eddie had to guess. Blankets of various colours and fabrics are placed on it haphazardly. The guy pulls them out to snuggle in them as he mumbles, almost to himself, “I’m not an idiot. I’m not an idiot.”

“Hey, sorry about that.” Chimney says quickly as he walks up beside Eddie.

The guy in the chair looks up with a slight glare and pout before he’s turning back around away from them. “Why’d you bring Edmundo? He had his flashlight on, Chimney, you know how dangerous that is.”

Chimney half smiles, apologetic. “Sorry, Buckaroo, he’s knew. I forgot to give him the rundown.”

Now Eddie is lost and confused, his eyes finding Chimney’s as he shrugs his shoulders. “Uh, Eddie, this is Buck. Buck, Eddie.”

Buck refuses to look up, instead he pulls the blankets closer and leans back in his chair, one of those types of chairs that allows for that. He stretches out and stares up at the dark night’s sky. Eyes lost in something that only he can see, Eddie assumes. “You should train him better.” Buck says almost casually.

Chimney laughs. “Yeah, we’ll try.”

Eddie’s just a little mildly offended. He looks to Chimney and brings him closer with a hand on his shoulder, speaking in a hushed whisper as he turns them away from this Buck, “What’s going on here? I thought we were responding to a call.”

“Oh, no.” Chimney laughs like that’s a joke. “See the thing is, Buck’s sort of my brother-in-law, and he’s, well he had your job before… Before stuff. Anyway he lives here for most of the year and we check on him from time to time.” Turning around to look to Buck, Chimney asks, “Isn’t that right Buck?”

Buck curls in on himself closer, a mumbled reply of, “No one asked you, too.” Then, like a switch has been flipped, he sits up straighter with wide eyes and looks to Chimney. “Is she okay?”

Chimney is quick to reassure him as he walks closer. “She’s fine, Buck. Our little nudger is kicking ass and taking names.”

Buck looks away from Chimney, eye contact only lasting a mere second before his eyes are wide eyed somewhere else. He nods slowly. “Good, that’s good. She must be tired. She keeps forgetting her peace offerings.”

Chimney coughs awkwardly. “Yeah, Buck, sorry about that, man, but she’s exhausted what with work and everything…”

Buck just nods, his body relaxing back into his lawn chair and blankets, eyes turning back to the stars. “That’s fine. I don’t need to eat much anyway.”

Eddie feels slight concern at that statement. His body stilling as he shares a look with Chimney who looks mighty guilty if he does say so himself. “Don’t worry, Buck, I brought stuff.” Chimney says quickly, he turns back to their patrol car and pops the trunk. He’s back in moments with a box filled with food. Mostly dry stuff and canned things. Granola bars and cans of stew. Fruit and dry noodles in a box. Coffee and coffee filters. There’s even a large bag of toilet paper that Eddie somehow wants to laugh at, even though he’s a thirty eight year old man and not twelve, but this situation has shocked him into silence. He’s not really sure what’s going on, but his mind is piecing some of the pieces together, albeit very slowly as the strange behaviour of this Buck continues.

“Here you go, buddy.” Chimney sets it down on the small wooden deck that’s more like a large stump next to his RV, more specifically next to his coffee machine.

Buck doesn’t look at Chimney but he does nod, eyes still fixed above. “Tell Edmundo not to bring his flashlight next time… He could have scared them away.”

“I’m on it.” Chimney agrees with a flashing grin as he walks back to where Eddie still stands, watching the exchange with curiosity burning in his veins. He sort of gets what’s going on. Chimney’s pregnant fiancée, the town doctor, Maddie, is most likely Buck’s sister, and because of that Buck is allowed to stay here. She brings him food sometimes, but because of the scare she had and strict bed rest, neither have been able to come. Buck could drive his RV into town and get his own food, but something tells Eddie that’s not a viable option.

“Oh, and Hen says hi.” Chimney adds, hands hitting against each other a little awkwardly. “So, we’re off now. I’ll see you later, Buck… Oh, you still have that walkie talkie we got you for Christmas, right? Just in case?”

Buck salutes Chimney with two fingers, eyes still fixated on the stars. He says nothing, but it seems to be enough of an answer for Chimney as he nods and turns back to the patrol car. “See you around, Buckaroo, tell them hi from me if you see them tonight.”

“I will.” Buck says, and it sounds like a promise he would never break.

…

“So…” Eddie trails off as he drives off the field back onto the main road headed back into town. His words are careful and drawn out. He doesn’t want to offend anyone, nor be nosey, but this is a small town, and he’s the newest deputy. Besides, Chimney brought him out there. He’d kind of like to know what’s going on exactly, even if he does have a pretty good idea. He still needs the basics to do his job, and to stave off his human curiosity. “Buck is Maddie’s brother? And he lives out there? Isn’t that against the law? The law we uphold?”

“It’s against the law, technically, yes.” Chimney concedes as he looks to his phone for a moment before looking back to Eddie. “But Buck wouldn’t hurt anyone. He’s as harmless as a fly, really.”

“Is that why he’s allowed out there?”

Chimney nods. “Look, it’s really complicated, but the gist of it is that you got his old job. A job that’s been vacated for the past five years. None of us could bring ourselves to fill it after he left. He was injured and it’s why his mind is a little…”

“Spaced out?” Eddie provides for him. He suddenly feels a whole lot more guilty for his less than gentle approach. 

“Yeah.” Chimney doesn’t seem angry by Eddie’s explanation, instead he has a look of affection cross his face. “He doesn’t work anymore. He lives in his RV and he stays here for a good chunk of the year in the summer, right now, and then he moves on and is back again a year later… Something about only being able to see the lights here at this time.”

Chimney waves his hand. “Maddie brings him food, but, and this might sound awful, I know it is terrible, but after her bleeding and spotting, I don’t want her coming out here alone at night to bring food. I guess I’ll have to take over, but I don’t like leaving her alone at home either… I guess I could ask Hen to look out for her, but she and Karen are having a rough patch.”

Eddie half smiles, when Chimney gets going, he can’t stop. He feels bad for him though, not with his situation exactly, but that he doesn’t have much help. At least his aunt is here, and Carla for Christopher. He doesn’t know what he’d do if he was all alone. Eddie can understand, and relate to Chimney’s plight. It’s tough to take care of family members, but it’s not a situation to be pitied. He wouldn’t give up Christopher for the world, and if the affection and worry on Chimney’s features is anything to go by, he wouldn’t give up Buck for the world either, brother by marriage or not.

“You know I could… Bring him food, I mean.” The words are out of Eddie’s mouth before he can stop himself. He feels Chimney’s eyes on him, gazing down in surprise and some other conflicting emotions as well.

“That’s really nice of you, but you don’t…” Chimney tries.

“I have the time.” Eddie insists, because he does. Carla doesn’t mind an extra hour or two and his aunt’s there, it’s really not that hard to get her on board. She loves Christopher, and if he explained the situation with this Buck, she’d understand that too. Eddie doesn’t blame Chimney, but the way Buck spoke, it seems his food was late and he didn’t get to eat much, maybe not at all. Eddie knows it was an accident, or maybe even a mistake, but the pout on Buck’s lips, the hurt. Well, no one should go hungry. “I really don’t mind. Maddie needs you, right? You should be there for her.”

_Like how I was never there for Shannon,_ he silently adds.

“Are you sure?” Chimney asks. “Because I mean, I could ask Bobby, but him and Buck don’t get along, and…”

“Really, Chimney, it’s fine. I don’t mind.” Eddie reassures with a small smile as he drives across the town line.

“Thanks, man, I owe you. I’ll cook for you or something. Me and Maddie will. She’ll want to thank you herself too. We’ll have you over for dinner. Buffet Fridays might be better though.”

Eddie laughs. “It’s no problem, man. So, what’s the usual patrol route?”

“Oh right, well, usually we…”

They get back to work somehow, but Eddie’s mind wanders continuously to the lost eyes on the sky, a man with sharp but soft features, and an angry annoyance to flashlights that Eddie can’t quite understand for the life of him but can’t quite stop thinking about either.

…

“Thanks for doing this. Seriously, it means the world to me. To us.” Maddie says with her hands clasped, and eyes filled with tears. Eddie feels oddly touched by her affectionate greeting and words. He’s not really doing much, but the way they’ve welcomed him into their lives, not just Maddie and Chimney, but Hen and Karen, Bobby, and Carla’s family. This town is small, and these people are nice and kind. And everyone loves Christopher like Eddie knew that they would. He knows it was the right decision to move here.

“It’s no problem, really. What kinds of foods does he eat?” Eddie asks as he brings his cup of coffee closer. He sits across from them at the kitchen table, dinner eaten and desert now dished out. A pecan pie that is to die for, and hot coffee that wakes him up enough for his food run and stop at Buck’s RV. He’s only been there the once with Chimney, but it’s been two weeks and this is when Maddie would usually bring more food, but she’s on strict instructions of bedrest for the majority of the day and leaving the house is a little out of the question right now, besides, Chimney was right, she’s not supposed to be alone.

Eddie thinks vaguely of the possibility of having Carla stay with her or himself while Chimney goes, but for some reason he wants to see Buck again. It was strange and odd, and a little exciting. He’s curious about him, and besides Maddie needs her husband, and Chimney wants to stay with his wife. The marriage now official, nothing too big, just friends and a small ceremony that Eddie was invited too. Another very nice welcoming gesture, but he could see the sadness in Maddie’s eyes as they wandered for Buck. He wasn’t there. ‘He doesn’t like crowds.’ Hen confided with him before Bobby, their Chief came over to take his seat near them.

“He likes canned stuff the most.” Maddie says with a nod. “Stews and things like that. But no soup. He hates soup.”

Eddie nods, but honestly he thought it was all the same thing. He’s not much of a cook, thankfully his aunt is.

“He says that canned food lasts forever, just in case…” Maddie trails off, an unreadable look in her eyes as Chimney slices himself a second piece of pie, his hand rubbing on her back. She takes a moment, before turning back to Eddie and continuing. “He doesn’t like fruits or vegetables, he was always fussy, especially as a toddler, but make sure there is canned fruit. I did make a list, but, he doesn’t like the same thing over and over. It makes him a little anxious. It’s not good when he’s anxious.”

“Yes, which means no flashlights.” Chimney points to him, and Eddie nods, a laugh on his lips. “I won’t make that mistake again, trust me.” Eddie promises.

Maddie smiles too. “He hasn’t gotten fresh food lately, but if you could, eggs, he really likes those, and milk. Mac and cheese used to be his favourite. But the homemade kind, not the box stuff. Not that you have to get ingredients for that. I’d cook it for him and send it over with you, but…”

“He doesn’t like people touching his food.” Chimney answers for Maddie.

Maddie nods in confirmation at that. “He also stopped eating meat, unless it’s the canned stews, so make sure you do get some and some eggs if possible, and here’s a list of foods I know that he will eat.”

He pushes a piece of paper over to him that Eddie takes and stares at. There’s a hundred things here. He looks up with a raised eyebrow as Maddie blushes. “I have a lot of free time, I thought of everything I could, but of course, only get enough for the thirty dollars.”

Eddie nods, and smiles. “I got this, don’t worry. I know we didn’t get off on the right foot, but he seems nice.”

“Wait, what?” Maddie’s head flips to Chimney’s, eyes narrowing on his with concern. “They didn’t get off on the right foot? You never told me that!? You know how he is with strangers. You said it was fine.”

“Babe, babe, it is fine.” Chimney quickly reassures, hands on Maddie’s nervous ones. “Relax, he didn’t even yell or anything. In fact he gave him a nickname.”

“A nickname?” Maddie looks up to Eddie, eyes suddenly teary eyed again. “Really?”

Now Eddie’s more confused. He looks from her to Chimney who shrugs and says, “Buck always used to give everyone a nickname. It was his thing. He stopped after… Well, I mean, he was the one who first called me Chimney.” There’s laughter now, a story itching to get out and Eddie is very much intrigued.

“We don’t have time for that, dear.” Maddie narrows her eyes. “Store closes in an hour. It would take an hour to tell that story.”

Chimney nods. “True enough, don’t worry Edmundo, I’ll tell you at work on Monday on patrol.”

“Edmundo?” Maddie asks as she starts to laugh, eyes turning to Eddie’s. “Is that what he called you?”

“Well, my name tag says Eddie.” Eddie tries to explain, a little sheepishly. He fails to mention that Edmundo is his actual legal name. He doesn’t want to ruin the excitement on Maddie and Chimney’s faces about nicknames and getting their brother and brother-in-law, respectfully, back. But then again, he never told Buck that Edmundo was his real name either.

_Huh._

He sips his coffee, eyes flicking to the clock above their heads. “I should get going. I’ll call you when I’m back home.”

“Would you?” Maddie asks, clearly pleased.

“Thanks, man.” Chimney says as he picks off a pecan off the pie and eats it quickly.

…

When Eddie pulls up to the RV he finds Buck in much of the same position as the last time he was here. There’s no fire blazing, but the multi-coloured lights hanging up above are still going, and Eddie wonders vaguely where he got the electricity for that, but that’s a question for another time. Buck is on his little wooden deck below, standing over his little coffee machine held up by one of the old crates. Again, Eddie wonders where the electricity comes from, but the chords are led into the RV so maybe he has a small generator or something inside.

“Hey, Buck.” He says as he walks over to him. His eyes are on his as soon as his headlights are turned off, the car still. It’s his own car, a small half van that has easy access for Christopher and his crutches. He got it before Christopher was born. He hasn’t really been able to afford anything new. Medical bills rack up, but he it’s been eleven years and his job is much, much better now. Better insurance at least. The medical bills are gone, and well, why not? But not now. Not after he just got settled in. Or maybe now’s the perfect time, if he’s going to be driving off county roads, a truck would be great. A big one with enough room for Christopher would be perfect. 

His headlights aren’t on, but Buck holds up his hands to his eyes against them anyway. His eyes squinted as he looks around aimlessly, almost as though he’s getting used to the dark again. Eddie smiles and steps closer, but leaves a good amount of space between them like Chimney did when they were first here.

“It’s me… Uh, Eddie?” He tries.

It takes a few long moments, but eventually Buck takes his hand away and his eyes no longer squint much. He looks Eddie up and down. “Edmundo?” He says.

“It’s Eddie, actually.”

“No, your name is Edmundo. That’s what they told me.”

Eddie tries not to freak out by that statement as Buck’s eyes finally relax and his stance becomes more normal, but there’s a slight edge to it. He doesn’t know Eddie, Eddie doesn’t really know him. This is all new, for the both of them.

“Um… Who exactly told you that?” Eddie has to ask, his head tilted as Buck jumps off of his wooden deck and steps closer to Eddie, still a meter between them, but it’s closer than ever before.

“The aliens.” Buck says seriously, his face like stone. Eddie’s heart is beating way too fast. They told him Buck spaced out, and had anxious and radical ideas and thoughts, but Maddie and Chimney never mentioned this.

“Oh?” He tries.

Suddenly Buck’s mouth splits into a large grin, laughter bubbling up loud and unapologetic. His finger pointing out at him as he says with obvious mirth, “You’re face!” He laughs and laughs. And Eddie nods along with him as his heart settles back to where it belongs. “Ha, ha, very funny.” He tells him.

“It is.” Buck nods, then relaxes as he reaches out to his lawn chair and pulls an old threaded sweater over himself. It’s multi-coloured, much like his lights, and far too big for Buck’s obviously skinny frame. He hasn’t been eating enough, that’s clear. Whether that’s Maddie and Chimney’s fault or not, Eddie’s not sure, but he saw how much they care about Buck. He’s not sure that’s the case really.

“I brought you food.” Eddie says as the silence persists. Buck’s eyes suddenly glued to the sky again. He doesn’t turn to Eddie, but he does nod. “I know. They told me.”

“The aliens?” Eddie says, because he can’t help himself. A grin threatening to explode on his own lips. That gets Buck’s attention though as he finally looks away from the sky to Eddie. He’s not laughing though, his face is stone cold serious. The air and atmosphere around them turning chilly. It’s such a drastic change in a matter of seconds that it has Eddie reeling from some kind of emotional whiplash.

“You shouldn’t joke about that.” Buck tells him seriously. “You don’t know them like I do.”

Eddie nods. “Sure, Buck, sorry.” Maddie was very clear about not contradicting him. About not making him angry or anxious. How once they did that and Buck ended up wandering into another state, starving and dehydrated.

“It’s okay.” Buck smiles slightly, the tension easing a little. He then points over to his coffee machine filling with coffee where a large walkie talkie sits against it. “They told me.” He repeats.

Oh, right. Maddie and Chimney said that they got that for him for Christmas. There’s no landline out here, obviously, and they needed some way to communicate. Maddie talks to him a lot through it, she said, the others too. Aimlessly. Randomly. Buck never answers, but they hope it helps. They hope that he hears them all the same.

“I brought some eggs.” It’s the only thing Eddie can think to say.

Buck’s resounding smile makes him smile. It’s so large and full of life, and it leaves Eddie warm and happy, and just better… About everything. It’s much like Christopher. When he smiles, the world is okay. He’s okay. Buck has that effect too it seems, and it’s probably not just him. He can see why the others are still so attached, still so there for him. Familiar and work connections aside.

“I made coffee.” Buck nods. “We can eat breakfast…” His eyebrows furrow, confusion clouding his eyes as he asks permission, almost like he needs it with, “Can we… Eat breakfast, Edmundo?”

Eddie doesn’t mention that he ate a full course meal at Buck’s sister’s house. Instead he nods and replies, “’Course we can.” He’s sure Buck hasn’t eaten yet, and in all honesty, he can’t bring it within himself to say no to him. “Let me just go get the food.”

…

When he comes back Buck is lighting a fire with two rocks, clashing them together in a very survival like way. Eddie has a lighter on him, he wants to ask if Buck needs it, but as soon as he sets the box of food on the wooden deck, Buck already has a flame dancing in the woods of his fire pit. It’s lined up neatly with rocks, and the grass is far enough away that a spark won’t light. Eddie nods in appreciation as Buck reaches for a frying pan, clearly fireproof. Eddie’s not really sure where it came from, but the RV’s big. He’s sure it’s filled with all sorts of treasures, if the things on Buck’s wooden stump deck thing are anything to go by. Papers, telescope, and all sorts of other knickknacks that Eddie knows Christopher would love to dig into.

“Ah, the white ones.” Buck mutters as he takes the small half a dozen carton out of the top of the box. Eddie would have bought more, but Maddie made it clear that a fridge is not in the books for Buck, and this is a Californian summer that they’re currently living through.

“Sorry, are they the wrong ones?” Eddie asks as Buck concentrates intensely on cracking the eggs and place them in the pan. He goes one at a time, very slowly, very deliberately. Eyes straining in the yokes, perhaps looking for shells, maybe some aliens. Eddie’s not really sure anymore. Anything’s possible with Buck. And Buck is right, he doesn’t know aliens like Buck clearly does.

“They’re fine.” Buck says, eyes still not looking up as he cracks the fifth egg, reaching for the sixth. Eddie’s eyebrows raise. Maddie wasn’t kidding, he really does like eggs. He looks up though, after he’s done and a smile is dancing on his lips. Dimples indenting on each side that are kind of adorable. “But the brown ones taste better, more likely that there will be blood, but they do taste better.”

Eddie nods. “I’ll remember that.” Buck turns and walks over to the fire. A grate from nearby being set up as Buck grabs a towel and places it over the handle, putting the pan over the fire very carefully. Eddie purposely does not comment on the blood part of Buck’s sentence. Nor does he mention how the eggs are sterilized so nothing can grow anymore.

“Maddie likes them scrambled.” Buck comments, eyes still on the fire and eggs, staring intently. He doesn’t look up again the whole time they’re cooking. All concentration on the eggs. He does stick his tongue out though at the word, ‘scrambled,’ which Eddie tries not to laugh at.

“Does she? What about you?”

“Fried, obviously.”

“Obviously.” Eddie repeats.

Buck doesn’t ask how Eddie likes his eggs and Eddie doesn’t offer up an explanation, but it does surprise him when before they’re completely cooked that Buck reaches for a plate and starts placing some on top. Sunny side up, the way he likes them. He never mentioned that, and it’s a little eerie, but the walkie talkie sits there by the coffee, so it’s not out of the realm of possibility that Buck heard it somehow. Maybe while on duty Eddie mentioned it to another. He’s sure that walkie can pick up their frequency.

“Two’s good.” Eddie says before Buck can put a third on. “Thanks, Buck.”

But Buck doesn’t hand the plate over, eyes still on the fire, he says, “Can you get us the coffee? I forgot it was alive.”

“Uh… Yeah. How do you take it?”

“I don’t have anything for it.”

“I brought some milk.” Eddie tells him as he cringes at how he maybe should have brought sugar, but Maddie didn’t say anything, and how was he to know?

Buck tilts his head, eyes still on the fire, considering. “Milk then.”

“You got it, Buckaroo.”

“Don’t call me that.” His voice is steal, angry, and somehow afraid. Eddie’s eyes snap to him, concern filling his stomach, moving to his heart. Wrapping itself around until it’s squeezing tightly. He sees as Buck’s hands tighten considerably on the plate, and Eddie feels stupid.

“Sorry, Buck.” He quickly apologises, then, to change the subject, “Milk was it?”

Buck takes a few deep breathes, and it takes even longer before he nods tightly, hand reaching for the towel. He takes the pan off the fire, and Eddie goes to get the coffee, silently berating himself for making a dumb mistake like that, but he doesn’t really even know which are mistakes and which aren’t. He doesn’t know Buck like the others do, what to say and what not to. All he knows is that he likes eggs and aliens, and darkness, and coffee, and the stars garner his attention more than anything else does. The fire much the same.

He returns with the coffee, two mugs pulled from under a stack of papers. Very hygienic, but he’s had worse so he doesn’t comment. He finds Buck sitting in his chair with two plates in his lap, eyes locked on the stars again. Very carefully he hands the coffee over. Buck takes it, balancing the plates on his lap. He hands the plate over, and Eddie takes it silently. They don’t speak anymore, and Eddie’s not used to that. There’s always noise or someone talking in the Diaz household, or at the station. He needs to fill it somehow, and honestly? Seeing Buck so still, is unnerving.

“Do you like having fires?” He asks, curiosity winning out as he thinks of how Buck wouldn’t take his eyes off of it. Eddie at first thought he was watching the eggs cook, but upon closer inspection, it was clear. He was staring at the fire.

Buck stills, hands reaching out to the eggs, eating them without utensils, Eddie forced to do the same. But it’s not the worst. It takes a minute, but Buck nods, eyes still on the dark sky above. Eddie sitting down gently on the grassy field beside Buck’s chair. There’s no others in sight, and he could sit on the wooden deck, but then he wouldn’t be beside Buck.

Eddie’s not really sure what else to say, and Buck doesn’t seem in a very talkative mood, so he stops. They sit in a silence that’s not at all uncomfortable, in fact it turns quickly to compatible. They eat their eggs in silence, only the sound of fingers scraping at ceramic plates is heard, the sipping of hot coffee, up until Buck says, almost too softly for Eddie to hear, “It’s the only light on Earth that’s real.”

They don’t talk anymore after that, and when Eddie leaves with a wave to Buck, his half van pulling out of Buck’s little campsite, he feels a strange sense of possibility.

…

“So, how is Buck?” Chimney asks casually, almost too casually as he slides his chair out from under his desk over towards Eddie’s. He’s got wheels on the bottom of course, but these chairs probably haven’t been replaced since the early seventies, which is made all the more obvious by the squeak it makes all the way over. Hen, and Josh their secretary look up sharply. Eyebrows raised, but they’re used to Chimney’s tactics so they drop it.

“I called Maddie.” Eddie replies as he finishes filling out the paperwork for the call they got of a noise complaint. Sweet old Mrs. Nera on second street has a little Chihuahua who will not be quiet, and old man Johnson next door is not as deaf as she is. He calls at least twice a week, but there’s little they can really do without no one else complaining. Eddie’s almost tempted to bring a pair of earplugs with him next time they’re called, but he’s been informed with a rather dramatic story by Hen about how Chimney has already tried that, taking a que from Buck of all people, but when Eddie asked them to elaborate, they were hesitant to do so. It seems they’re hesitant to do a lot of things when it comes to Buck.

“I know.” Chimney nods. “But she’s been sleeping most of the weekend and I didn’t want to bother her. Buck’s her sore spot, you know? Come on, I care about him. He’s like my best friend after Maddie and Hen. Like a brother really.”

Eddie looks up then, mouth a little twisted and glare a little harsh. Chimney holds up his hands and says in his defense, “He’s family, okay? How is he? Really?”

Eddie can’t argue with that. He might not be the bestest friends with all brother’s-in-law, or his sisters for that matter, but they’re family. “He seems fine. He talked a bit, and then was quiet the rest of the time I was there.”

Chimney nods like he was expecting this. “Anything else?”

Eddie signs his name off on the bottom and closes the file gently before looking up again. “He makes good eggs?” He half asks, half says.

“Eggs?” Chimney’s eyes turn to confusion as Eddie gets up and turns to put the file away. Chimney is hot on his heels though, discarding his chair to stand up and get closer as Hen and Josh both look up in interest. Eddie doesn’t get all the attention, so what if Buck’s good at cooking eggs over an open fire?

“Wait, did he cook for you?”

Eddie puts the file away and closes the file cabinet door with a resounding finality as he turns back to Chimney. “Yeah, and he makes good coffee. He asked if I wanted to stay for breakfast, I didn’t argue that the sun just went down. Breakfast is breakfast, I guess.” He shrugs as he turns back to sit down at his desk. “Why?”

Chimney’s mouth is open is silent shock. He doesn’t answer but Hen does with, “Buck doesn’t like people on his ‘property.’ He hates us staying too long, no more than five minutes or ten if we’re lucky before he gets twitchy.”

“We sat and ate, I stayed for over an hour, and then I left.” Eddie explains. “He stared at the sky a lot. Something about brown eggs tasting better than white ones.”

“Woah, whoa.” Josh stands up now and walks over as Hen and Chimney get closer too, and suddenly Eddie feels like he’s being crowded in. “He ate the white ones?”

“Sorry, were they the wrong kind. No offense to Maddie, but her handwriting is difficult to read, side effect of being a doctor I guess. Some of it was smudged so I improvised… Did I do something wrong?” He has to ask because they’re all staring at him and it’s creeping him out just a little.

“No, son, we think you did something right.” Suddenly their Chief is there. Chief Robert Nash, Bobby to everyone who knows him. He’s smiling but it’s odd, eyes a little lost, too. “Can I talk to you in my office for a moment?”

Eddie nods. “Sure.” He gets up and follows him, happy to get away from the crowding of his fellow station members.

Bobby closes the door behind them and sits behind his desk, a hand pointed out for Eddie to sit down across from him. Eddie does, a little nervous about what exactly is going on. He becomes even more so when Bobby clasps his hands in front of him on his desk, eyes very serious, but there’s a spark there that Eddie’s never seen before, granted he hasn’t known him long. “Sir?”

“How is he? How’s Buck?” His words are softer than Eddie was expecting, less of a Chief and more like a man. If Eddie didn’t know any better, he’d even say like a father.

“He’s good.” Eddie nods. “Hair is still long and raggedy.”

He means it as a joke to diffuse the tension, but Bobby doesn’t laugh.

“Sorry.”

“No, it’s fine.” Bobby waves his hand. “He hasn’t cut it in five years, so… But he’s eating alright?”

Eddie shrugs because he’s not really sure and that worries him. He saw how skinny he’s become. “I’m not sure. He ate four eggs when I was there, but he also drank three cups of coffee.”

Bobby’s lip quirks upward. “Sounds like our Buck.” He pauses, almost reminiscing before, “I know it’s a lot to ask, but he seems to be okay around you, which is new and rare. Even with Maddie, he’s struggled. If you could, just, watch over him? Make sure he’s okay when you bring him his food and supplies? He doesn’t want us around, so this is all we can do.”

Eddie doesn’t point out that it’s Maddie who does it, not him, but Bobby’s fingers are tightening together, almost anxiously. Eddie’s never seen him like this.

“Don’t tell him I talked to you, though, please.” Bobby says, but Eddie can hear the question in there.

“Can I ask why not?” He feels as though he deserves that much at least.

“The last time I saw him… Things got ugly.” Bobby shakes his head at the memories and adds quietly, almost to himself, “I don’t know why he’s fixated on aliens. He used to go to the library every weekend and search up the most random things, but never one thing to this extent... Maybe it was all the times he watched ET, he fell in love with the movie when it first came out and we all went into town to see it…”

Bobby’s mouth snaps shut, and Eddie knows that he’s not going to get anymore. It’s not really his business anyway, but it is Buck’s, and Buck’s business, well it’s increasingly looking like it’s his business, too. Or at least will be. Delivering food or not, he’s not sure if he would be able to leave him alone. Something about those eyes, lost and wonder filled. Those words that come from Buck that make no sense to him, but mean everything to Buck. Movements quick and anxious. Coffee too weak for any sane person to drink, but Eddie supposes if one wants to drink three cups straight in a row, it has to be weak. He knows even if someone else took over, Hen or Josh, or Chimney, or Maddie, or even Bobby, he’d still go out and see him. He’s only met him twice, and the thought of not being there, of never seeing him again, it leaves a hollow sense of loss in the pit of his stomach somewhere.

“I’ll make sure he eats.” He promises, and it’s not for his boss, his chief, or even for himself, it’s for Buck.

“Thank you.” Bobby holds out his hand to shake, and Eddie shakes it.

His shift is pretty much done the time he gets out of Bobby’s office. He grabs his jacket and makes his way out, excited to get home to see Christopher. This job is great but the shifts are long, and he misses his son. But as he drives, he finds himself passing a Blockbuster and as much as he wants to see his son, Bobby’s words echo in his mind. He finds himself doing an illegal U-turn and pulling up to the rental place that’s surprisingly still open.

The teenager that’s working looks up at the bell and smiles. “Hi, welcome to Blockbuster, how can I help you?”

Eddie smiles politely back. “I was wondering if you had the move, ‘ET’?”

The guy chuckles. “It’s a crowd pleaser, it’s rented out a lot, but you’re just in luck, someone returned it today.”

He takes it with him and Christopher is overjoyed at the prospect of a movie night. They make popcorn and settle in under mountains of blankets. The movie rewinding as they make one last bathroom trip. The time their done, it’s ready to play.

_ET go home._

…

“Hey, Buck! How are you doing, man?” Eddie hops out of his van and shuts the door quickly. He walks around to grab the box of supplies out of the back, hauling it in his arms all the way to where Buck sits in his lawn chair staring up at the sky. He’s yet to take his eyes off and turn to Eddie. Eddie doesn’t mind. He sets his things on the small wooden deck and walks over. It’s only then that he notices the twin chair sitting a little ways from Buck’s. It’s a lawn chair too, but it’s a different brand, and brown rather than white. A little more chipped, but steady, and adjustable. “This for me?”

A quick nod from Buck has Eddie sitting down. “Thanks.” He looks to the stars, twinkling brighter here than anywhere else in town, or the city. “Hey, I got the brown eggs this time. You said that they taste better. I also got coffee and some other things you might need… You know, toilet paper and… And a comb. If you want.”

Buck’s shaggy hair moves with him as his eyes land on Eddie’s, burning into his. “What’s wrong with my hair? I can sense them better this way. Did you know that Native Americans never cut their hair because it’s intoned with the Earth, and with nature? The only reason they ever cut it is if someone has died, the grief so great that they have to cut it off.”

His eyes are fierce, determined, filled with such a force that it almost knocks the air out of Eddie’s lungs. He can’t move, he can’t look away. “I didn’t know that.” He admits, and Buck nods. His own eyes slipping up to the sky, and finally, Eddie can think. So much so that he makes sure to add, “Doesn’t mean it can’t be combed.”

“Not all of us need a bottle of gel in our hairs each day, Edmundo.” His sharp words of clarity and teasing mirth make Eddie do a double take. His eyes landing on the upturn of Buck’s lips. His own matching soon enough.

“Next time I’ll bring white eggs then, if that’s how you feel.”

Buck loses his grin just as quickly. Deathly serious all of the sudden. “You should never joke about eggs.”

“Sorry, Buck.” He says quickly, and it seems to be enough as Buck’s face softens. Eyes a little less intense on the sky than before.

“I’m being rude.” Buck says without prompting. He sits up, eyes on something far off in the distance of the treeline for a solid thirty seconds before they turn onto Eddie. He smiles, dimples and all. “I forgot to get you some coffee.”

Eddie’s pretty sure that he doesn’t need any more coffee, but Buck looks so happy about it that he can’t say so. Instead he nods. “Sure, that be great, Buck.” Buck’s responding grin makes him all warm inside. He gets up and walks over to the small machine, Eddie tailing after him. He wants to be closer to him. To see more. Buck is just so… Fascinating. Interesting. Eddie doesn’t know how else to describe it… This interest in him.

“How do you power that thing?” Eddie can’t help but ask as he leans against the RV, a good distance between them as Buck dumps out a used filter into a nearby crate. He doesn’t dumb out the filter itself, instead he scrapes it out and puts more coffee back in. When he’s done he turns up to Eddie, a bigger smile on his face if that’s even possible and the question, “Do you want to see?” On his lips.

“Yeah, man. I’m sure you don’t get electricity out here.”

Buck nods. “Up until three years ago, there wasn’t water either. Come on, Edmundo, take a look.” He opens the door of his RV and steps back, his fingernails digging into the skin of his hands, tight together as he backs further away. Almost as though he’s afraid of what’s in the RV, or afraid of being in it himself. Eddie doesn’t quite understand, but he doesn’t think it’s anything terrible. The people in the station, and Maddie think him a puppy, and for some reason, Eddie finds himself trusting him.

He looks inside where the two chords snake inside, one from the coffee machine, and another from the multi-coloured light hanging above. It’s dark inside, but the lights above help to illuminate the small powering station. Eddie’s not exactly sure what he’s looking at, cars are the furthest he’s gone into understanding how machinery works, but he can see the placement for batteries, and the two chord plugs that are usually reserved only for houses. It’s nothing he’s ever seen before, in fact it all looks homemade, the small chords of green and black sticking out. The screws screwed in at odd angles, but still functional looking. Did…

“Did you make this, Buck?” Eddie asks in surprise as he sticks his head back out of the RV, eyes finding Buck’s nervous and sheepish ones. He nods.

“Yeah, I needed power and, batteries were all I had. Although I’m starting to run out now.” His eyebrows scrunch up and Eddie makes a silent vow to get more on his next run. A box full maybe. Just in case.

“It’s amazing, Buck. I’ve never seen anything like it.” He steps out of the RV now, shutting the door for Buck, somehow knowing that he won’t. Not going by the way he opened it and stepped back like he was burned anyway.

Buck nods. “They showed me.” He looks up to the sky, his pale neck exposed as he does so. A small scar poking out, snaking behind his head, but Eddie can’t make the rest of it out, or the most of it, as his hair covers it.

Eddie doesn’t contradict him. Instead he just nods. He wants to look up at the sky too, vaguely wondering if he’ll see a flying saucer which is ridiculous to him in itself, but his eyes are drawn to Buck’s hands, held tight together. Fingernails digging into his skin. Eddie’s afraid he’s going to cut himself. Bleed.

“Hey, don’t do that.” He reaches out, and makes a terrible mistake. Buck flinches back, leaping basically into the air and away. Eyes widen and frightened, fingernails pushing past skin, blood dripping down. He’s never see such fear on another’s face, such ghostly features ever before, not in his civilian lifetime, anyway. “Shit, I’m- I’m sorry, Buck. I just- I thought if I could, touch you it might help. It’s what I do for Christopher when he gets nervous, and it seems to help.”

He’s not lying, when Christopher gets frustrated or angry by something everyone else can do, but he can’t, Eddie touches him. A gentle touch to the shoulder, or a quick hug and some comforting words. That he can do everything anyone else can, it just might take a little longer and require a little more work. That there’s no shame in that, but apparently that’s not what Buck needs.

Buck considers him, and Eddie, he stays as still as statue, hands held out in a defenceless gesture. He waits with bated breath as the fear bleeds out of Buck very slowly, just like the blood he inflicted from his fingernails. One breath. Two. A minute. Another. And then, finally, very slowly, Eddie reaches out his arm, a finger held out, only one. An almost mirror image from a popular movie, from Buck’s favourite. And Buck…

Buck’s finger is held out shakily, nervous and anxious, and his other hand is on his arm, steadying it, hurting it, trying to get it to Eddie’s. Eddie who, very slowly moves his own finger and very deliberately, slow enough for Buck to see and to be able to stop him or move away if he wants, that he can if he wants, but he doesn’t. They meet in the middle somewhere, one finger touching the other, warm and nice, and there is no spark, not a visible one anyway. His heart does jolt though, beating faster than it should, and the nervous bite of Buck’s lips tells Eddie that maybe he feels it too.

But Buck isn’t looking at him, he’s looking at their joined fingers. And Eddie wonders briefly when the last time Buck has ever touched anyone was. Maybe that’s why he was so scared. Afraid. It’s been five years since he’s been out here, and from what Chimney and Maddie said, heck, from what Bobby has said, hugs were probably pretty far off the menu. And from Buck’s reaction? Probably touching, too.

Eddie watches as a smile of disbelief and precious joy enters Buck’s features. Eddie thanks Bobby with everything he’s go that he mentioned that movie, because where would they be if he hadn’t? The universe sure is funny.

They’re only touching for a moment before he pulls away, suddenly more happy than ever before. The atmosphere somehow lighter, and like nothing happened at all, Buck says excitedly, “Coffee’s ready.” Eddie watches as Buck turns his back to him, going over to the coffee machine, and pouring a good amount in slightly dirty mugs. Milk and sugar added to Buck’s own. Nothing for Eddie’s.

_He remembered,_ Eddie thinks. His cheeks warmer than they were when he first arrived.

...

“That one is the big dipper, and that one is the little one. Along the ecliptic there is the line of the zodiac. Each is a constellation, a zodiac. That’s where the horoscope comes from.” Buck explains as he points out the constellations above them. They’re on their second cup of coffee and this is Eddie’s third visit. Last time, after the touching and coffee, Buck grew silent. They didn’t talk anymore. It’s so strange when he does that. Eddie’s sure there was a time when Buck was never silent, Chimney and Hen both give off that same sentiment, and they would know.

“So, how does the horoscope work then?” Eddie looks to him from where he sits on what is now dubbed, ‘Edmundo’s chair’, a nice little taped on sign that Buck put up on the back. Buck’s own chair is less than a meter from his, a little closer than last time. His eyes are stuck on the sky, he doesn’t look to Eddie or make any acknowledgment that he heard him, except for him answering his questions.

“The ecliptic is the path of the sun throughout the year, all three hundred and sixty five days. On each day it’s in a different position. So depending what day you were born, the sun was on a certain place, on a certain sign of the zodiac. That sign is your horoscope sign. Mystics believe it has certain personality traits and effects on a child. On their path in life.”

“Wow.” Eddie whispers in awe as he stares up at the sky. He never really thought much of it, of the stars and moon, and everything in-between. The meaning behind it all. What people have determined it to be. He grew up Catholic. He was told about the signs and wonders in the Heavens, never the patterns and paths these signs take. Understanding them, it feels like he’s getting closer to God somehow. As strange as that might be for some people to understand. “Where’d you learn all of this, Buck?”

Buck chuckles. “I stole a book from the library.”

Eddie’s eyes snap to Buck’s who still looks up at the stars, a look of such wonder on his features. Every time he looks up, it looks to Eddie like he’s looking at them for the first time. It’s quite extraordinary. Buck is quite extraordinary. “I also travel, to other places. We share information.” Buck continues. “The government’s official account doesn’t always match up with what we see.”

“You’re not just talking about the stars, are you, Buck?”

Buck’s concentration falters for a moment, but only for a moment. A flicker of something… Something almost real entering those eyes, but then it’s gone. Buck turns then, eyes looking squarely into Eddie’s. “Fishes are counter shaded. To be less visible in the water they are darker on top and lighter, or silver on their sides. The brightest side and least likely to be seen, are there bellies. It’s like their own natural protection.” Buck’s words are quick and animated. He gets lost in the facts about fish, and Eddie listens. He listens intently.

“I didn’t know that.” Eddie says when he finishes.

Buck lays back down on his lawn chair, coffee mug set in the grass below, and blankets pulled up tightly around himself. Eyes on the stars above he whispers, “Now you do, Edmundo.”

He knows the signs now, of when Buck will grow silent. Of when he’ll stop talking. He knows that now is that time. He sits back himself and looks to the stars, too. He’ll stay longer. Enjoy a nice silence with Buck for as long as he’s able, and then he’ll go home to Christopher. Mind racing a million miles an hour when he lays in bed, too full of the caffeine from the coffee, and from all the questions that Buck always seems to leave him with. Questions about the Heavens above. About the world they live in. About the universe itself. Eddie never use to question things. He had God and he still does, but what has God left them? What has he given them? What else is out there?

He wants to know. He wants to understand.

And he wants Buck to show him. 

“I have to go, Buck.” He says a short time later, standing above Buck now, but with a respectable distance between them. Eddie doesn’t get too close now, he doesn’t approach unless Buck approaches first. He’s learned his lesson. He understands Buck a little better now, though, just a little. But a little is enough in their tiny but also vast worlds. The space they now share, converging into something new. A new world of their own.

Buck’s cheeks redden, and Eddie wonders why, but he doesn’t have to wonder long, because Buck is already pointing his finger up. He ducks his head shyly, but his arm is steady as he offers his finger. Eddie tries not to laugh, not to smile too much as he reaches out and meets his own finger with Buck’s. Warmth envelopes him, his heart stuttering a little, jolting more like. Their own little goodbye and hello. He holds it there for as long as Buck needs, until Buck moves away first.

“Make sure you eat, Buck.” He reminds him.

“Make sure you don’t use all your hair gel in one go, Edmundo.” Buck replies back, and Eddie wants to get snarky, to say something back, but Buck is talking to him. He’s saying goodbye with words, in his own way, but saying goodbye all the same.

Still, they wouldn’t be Buck and Eddie if Eddie didn’t say back, “Goodnight, hippie.”

“Thanks.” Buck says good-naturally, as though it were a compliment.

Eddie’s left smiling the whole way back home.

Today was a good day.

…

But not all days are good days. Some days are bad. Some days are really bad. Eddie comes over two weeks later and as he drives up he feels something is off. He doesn’t realise how off things are until he has the RV in sight, and Buck is not. His eyes wander in a panic as his heart beats too fast, nerves on edge, and a plan beginning to form as to a search and rescue. It’s dangerous out here. Near a treeline, and Buck all defenceless. Anything could have happened, but then he’s stopping the car and he looks up to a hushed whisper of a sob.

Buck is here. He’s sitting on top of the RV. The very top. On the roof! Legs crossed and shoulders hunched down, his head is looking up. Straight up into the sky as tears overflow, falling down, blurring whatever vision he has. There’s no way that he can see the stars clearly, and yet he still looks, refusing to curl up like his body is half doing. Refusing to put his head in his hands and just cry. He stares up stubbornly. The tears and sobs, gut wrenching. And Eddie is at a complete loss. For one, he’s not even sure how the heck Buck got up there in the first place. Or why.

But then again, the last couple times Eddie has been here, Buck’s been… Almost normal. Maybe the other shoe was always meant to drop. Maybe this was inevitable, it doesn’t mean it hurts any less. Watching Buck cry, it’s almost as bad as seeing Christopher cry. Only this might be worse, because Buck is on a fucking RV! And even if he wasn’t, Eddie wouldn’t be able to touch him other than ET finger to a human’s. No hugs, no nothing. His heart feels like it’s falling through the world.

“Buck?” He calls out, not quite a yell, but loud enough for Buck to hear. He makes no obvious indications that he did, no movements of any kind in fact. His eyes are still locked tightly on the sky, on the stars above, shoulders shaking with every new sob.

“C- Careful, Ed- Edmundo. The grass is v- very cold t- tonight.” Buck says it through the tears and the sobs, pain in each syllable, eyes still on those stars up above. Eddie hates it. He hates this.

“I know!” Eddie calls back, like he really does, except that he doesn’t. Not quite. He only knows that it is for Buck. That it means something important to him, and because of that it is important to himself. “You know, when Christopher has nightmares, when he wakes up crying I hug him tightly and talk him through it.”

There’s no response form Buck, and it hurts. His heart aches. Eddie feels like he might start crying soon enough. Watching Buck cry, makes him want to cry. Just like Christopher’s tears make his own come out. It hurts that much. “Shannon, my wife, she used to sing to Christopher. When I was away. All kinds of lullabies, but her favourite to sing to him was The Doors. That’s what we played at her funeral.” Still not much change in Buck, but Eddie swears he sees his fingers that are digging tightly into his skin, twitch. “I’ve never been good at singing, so I’d read him stories. About knights and dragons. Pirates and princesses. He loves King Arthur. About all his brave Knights. He feels like he can be brave because they are. His favourite knight is Sir. Gareth, the kitchen Knight.”

Eddie has more to say, but he doesn’t know how to. He doesn’t… He’s losing it himself because Buck’s sobs are gut wrenching. They dig in and worm around until he has holes in his heart. Sobs of his own threatening to break free.

“Tell me about the knights, Edmundo. Tell me about the strongest knight you know.” Buck’s sobs slow, soft hiccups replace them. Tears still come and his eyes are still locked onto the stars, but the sobs are fading. Replaced by shaky words and shaky breath.

Eddie smile softly. “Well, that’s easy, Buck. The strongest knights I know are Sir. Shannon and Sir. Christopher.” His own tears well up in his eyes, a lump forming in his throat as he dresses up his favourite memories in childhood tales of heroic bravery. Because that’s what it is. Who they are. Shannon was.

It’s painful.

It hurts.

It’s a cathartic release of pain, and Buck’s tears stopping, his own too, is enough to make it all worth it.

When he’s done, Buck is laid out on the RV, flat on his back in exhaustion. Eddie asks him if he wants him to throw up his blankets, Buck nods blankly. Eddie almost doesn’t see it, but he does. He throws the blankets up and watches as Buck makes a small nest for himself. Huddling into the vibrant different colours and textures until he’s wrapped up tightly. He wants to reach out, to touch their fingers. To have some physical reminder, because that’s who Eddie is, but Buck doesn’t offer, and Eddie doesn’t ask.

He leaves, and it feels like the whole world is leaving with him.

…

“Are you alright, Bobby?” Eddie asks as he looks up to find Bobby’s hand resting against his head, a tightness of his eyes that indicates that he’s in some kind of pain. They’re at the station on shift after last night, where Eddie watched Buck fall apart. He’s been feeling this nagging sense to go back and see him. To make sure that he is okay. He would have stayed with him, if not for Christopher, but then he had to work.

“Yeah, I’m good.” Bobby opens his eyes and smiles gently. “Just a headache.”

Before Eddie can ask or say something about how he’s never had a headache like _that_ , Chimney and Hen come bursting in from their patrol round, big smiles on either of their faces. There’s something a little off there about it though, happy but still incredibly sad. Eddie’s been here long enough, almost a couple months already, and he knows that face. “You saw Buck?” He asks them as he sits up straighter before they can say anything. “Is he alright?”

“Yeah, he’s good. He made us eggs.” Hen says with a startled expression.

“Of course he started getting anxious with us there after fifteen minutes, but that’s the longest we’ve been able to be there.” Chimney says excitedly. His eyes turning to Eddie’s gratefully. “I don’t know what you’re doing, man, but keep it up.”

Chimney sits down with a huff in his chair and pats his belly, clearly full. Eddie raises an eyebrow at them. Buck cooked for them? And he’s fine? Because last night he was anything but. “Really? He’s okay?” He has to ask again.

Now it’s Bobby’s turn to raise his eyebrows as Hen asks suspiciously, “Why? Did something happen last night when you were there?”

Eddie opens his mouth, wanting to say something, but on second thought shuts it. He thinks of Buck and how he lives. So alone. Not wanting people near him, these people specifically, for too long. He’s not sure about anyone else, but he has the innate sense, nagging feeling if you will, that Buck would not want what happened last night to be broadcasted to anyone. And in a way, neither would Eddie. Those stories he told him were personal. Private. He doesn’t want anyone but Buck to know them.

He shakes his head. “No. Everything was fine.”

According to Hen and Chimney everything is fine with Buck, and Eddie should leave it at that. He should take their word for it in fact, but even as he gets off shift and finds himself home, he’s still thinking of Buck. Of tears streaming down his eyes. Eyes that won’t leave the night sky for the world. Shoulders wracked in sobs. Curled into blankets, exhausted and very human. No touch, ET or otherwise. Eddie thinks maybe just maybe if they did that he’d be okay, he’d feel better. He’s a physical person, he knows Buck isn’t, or at least isn’t anymore, but he is. Still, it’s not fair to expect something from him like that. Eddie knows that.

“Are you okay, daddy?” Eddie looks to his son at that. He’s tucking him in now, and his mind is still lost on Buck.

“I’m sorry, buddy.” Eddie apologises. “What did you say?”

“You forgot to put th- the light o- on in the h- hall.”

Eddie looks behind him to the hallway and nods, a sigh he doesn’t let out on his lips. Christopher has been going through this phase where he’s afraid of the dark. He can’t sleep without the hallway light on, and Eddie’s tried everything. He was sneaky and turned it off after Christopher fell asleep, but then he woke up screaming and it was terrible. Eyes full of tears, Eddie promised himself that he’d never do that again.

“Sorry, Christopher, I’ll get it.” He smiles lovingly to his son, because he does love him, more than anyone else in the world, and turns to the hallway. He flips the light on and walks back to Christopher’s bed quickly, pulling the covers up tightly, Christopher puts his arms up to slip them over top. “Goodnight, buddy, I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Daddy?”

“Yeah?”

His son looks down then up, and it’s such a teenager action, not a child’s, that Eddie falters. Since when did his kid decide to grow up? He hasn’t forgotten his birthday next month, the big twelve, but it still sneaks up on him. Surprises him. Shakes him off his feet. One minute Christopher was born in his arms, just a baby with small little fingers and toes, and now here he is, a big kid with big kid expressions. Yet, still afraid of the dark. _Don’t grow up too fast on me, kid,_ he thinks to himself.

“Are- Are you okay?” He asks.

Now that shocks Eddie. “Huh? What do you mean, Christopher?”

“Y- You have your w- worried face.” He points is finger up and pushes it into the scrunch of Eddie’s eyebrows gently. Eddie almost laughs, but the disbelief and surprise at his son’s careful observations has him floundering. But he’s never lied to him before, and he’s not going to start now.

“I have a friend, and I’m worried about him.” He admits, a nod of his head that has Christopher nodding too, as though they were adults sitting at a table with a hot drink in hand, talking about their adult problems. Christopher was always very smart, he notices everything. Observant and brilliant, and his body not working as well as most never changed that. Buck’s pretty similar, Eddie can’t help but compare.

“The one y- you bring f- food to?”

“Yeah, him.” Eddie nods, then… “His name’s Buck.”

“Buck?”

“I care a lot about him, and he’s having a hard time.”

Christopher nods, then reaches out beside him, grabbing his favourite teddy bear from off the side of his bed, he slips it into Eddie’s surprised hands and says, “T- Tell him he- he can borrow teddy, until he feels better.”

“Christopher… You don’t have to do that.” Eddie’s heart is melting, his love for his son so overwhelming, he suddenly wants to cry.

“T- Tell him to fee- feel better.”

Eddie nods, knowing that arguing with Christopher is useless. “I will. I’ll go see him after work tomorrow, if you’ll be alright with your aunt?”

Christopher lights up at that, nodding quickly. “We’re m- making quesadillas!”

Eddie smiles with him. “Sounds like a lot of fun.” He leans down and hugs him tight, a kiss on his forehead before he’s pulling away. “Goodnight, Christopher, and thank you.”

He means ‘thank you’ for so much, because Christopher is the most precious person in the world. The best gift Shannon ever gave to this world. To him.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too, daddy.”

…

He feels strange going empty handed, so he makes a quick stop at the hardware store on third and buys a few different kinds of batteries. Some for the walkie talkie, and some for Buck’s little contraption. He buys too many in fact, and then he’s off, driving out of town with batteries and teddy in his front seat. He promised Christopher he’d give it to Buck, and that’s what he’s going to do. Who knows? Maybe it will help.

He finds Buck staring intently at his coffee machine, eyebrows furrowed, and mane pulled back under his multi-coloured sweater, as though he just slipped in on. He still wears no shoes, just bare feet and jeans of a light wash colour. Arms left hanging at his sides. It’s a relief to see him like this. To see him not on the top of an RV, and tears no longer in sight. He does look fine, but somehow when Chimney and Hen told him that, it wasn’t enough, but standing here in front of him, box of batteries and teddy in arms, it is. He feels himself breathe again. A tension, a weight on his shoulders leaving him.

“Hey, Buck.” He says gently, not sure what’s going on. The coffee machine is empty, but Buck still stares at it. “Everything okay?”

He keeps a little distance between them, setting the box down gently as Buck mutters something, almost too himself.

“I didn’t hear that, Buck. Can you say it again?”

“The snakes are fine, and the clouds are clear… And yet, no coffee.” Buck explains, a hand coming up to rest on his chin as though he were Sherlock Holmes trying to figure out a very complex and important puzzle. A lifesaving one even, and who knows? For Buck it might be. He’s not really making any sense to Eddie again, but Eddie knows that he’s making sense to himself, and that’s enough for him to take it seriously. He walks over and looks at the supposed problem. The answer coming to him quickly enough. It’s on, but it’s not working.

“Did you change the batteries?” He looks to Buck who looks back suddenly, a little startled as he moves away from Eddie. His eyes widening as he seems to snap out of something. His smile wide as he laughs. Eddie’s a little thrown but he tries not to let that show as he smiles back.

“Edmundo, of course. But they didn’t bring any electricity yesterday because the National Guard came.” Buck nods as though that explains it, hands going to his hips as he looks back to the coffee machine and tilts his head, confusion in his eyes. “Now what?”

Eddie’s still a little lost, but he has a solution so he says as much. “I brought batteries, Buck. They’re in the box over there, and Christopher, my son, you remember him, right?”

A small smile enters Buck’s lips as his eyes stay locked on the coffee machine. “Funny, kid.” He comments. Eddie’s pretty sure Buck’s never met Christopher, but he must be referring to the stories he told him, because yeah, Christopher is a pretty funny kid, and the most kind. The most selfless. Funny, yeah, that too.

“I told him I was worried about you and he offered for you to borrow his favourite teddy. Until you feel better.”

Buck stills as though he’s been zapped with electricity and Eddie stops talking. Suddenly nervous and afraid, more unsure than he’s ever been, but this is Buck. He knows him. He’s not angry or frustrated, anxious. He’s just… Startled for some reason. So Eddie reaches out slowly for the teddy and brings it closer to Buck. He touches the soft material against Buck who jumps, and Eddie immediately feels guilty. He knows better. He shouldn’t have…

“So soft.” Buck takes the teddy bear, brown and fluffy, cradling it in his hands as though it were precious, and it is. A smile on his lips that has Eddie’s heart stuttering a little. His cheeks warming, all of him warming. It leaves him happy, and warm, this little almost moment between Christopher and Buck that he gets to bear witness to. To be a part of. Two of the most important people in his life.

Eddie stills.

Wait, when did that happen?

Very quickly, before Eddie can react, Buck is reaching down into the box and pulling out some of the larger batteries. With the teddy bear still in his arms, he shuffles into the RV and disappears. Eddie watches him with wide eyes. He’s never seen Buck actually go into the RV. He always seemed so afraid to do that, too afraid. Eddie was starting to suspect that maybe he had a thing about small spaces. Which would make sense since he lives out in the middle of an empty field, and is always outside. But Maddie said he travels, so how does he travel in such a small space for so long?

Without warning the multi-coloured lights flicker on and the coffee machine starts sputtering to life. Eddie stares in awe at it, and the lights. He’s a little annoyed with himself that he didn’t noticed the lights sooner, he should have, he’s a deputy, but it was a long shift. In seconds Buck is out of the RV, door shut tightly behind him. Teddy still in his arms, and batteries gone, but they’re replaced with something. It’s only when Buck very carefully, so that they don’t touch, puts it in his hands that Eddie sees what it is.

It’s a nightlight. A small one of a rocket ship. A tiny lightbulb behind it that will no doubt light up a little boy’s room, a boy who’s afraid of the dark. But how did Buck know? And is this really for him? For Christopher? He feels his heart clench, pull together into something like affection and appreciation, and his eyes are on Buck’s that look a little sheepish. Normal as normal does. “Is this for…? Me?”

Buck snickers and the shift in emotion is fast and strong, but Eddie’s sort of getting used to it. “I knew those gel fumes would get to your brain somehow, Edmundo, but I didn’t think it would take this fast.” Eddie’s left scrambling on how to respond to that. If he should be offended, angry, or sniping back, but Buck is already turning away from him to the coffee machine that’s almost done. He pulls two slightly dirty mugs out and says with his back still turned, “It’s not for you. It’s for Sir. Christopher. The most selfless and brave of them all. After Sir. Shannon of course.”

Eddie wants to cry. He wants to hug him. Maybe even kiss him. He doesn’t care how he knows. He just cares that he does, and he’s offering him this. This gesture, this- this everything. He knows a hug would be unwelcome though, that most affection would, so instead he holds up one finger, and Buck turns abruptly, as though he could sense what Eddie was doing. A goofy grin on his lips as he holds out his own finger and touches it with Eddie’s.

“ _ET go home._ ” He quotes in a gruffer voice.

Eddie laughs, fingers still touching. “How about ET stay home?”

Buck pulls away then, sadder than before, and Eddie’s left reeling. What did he do now?

“Eggs?” Buck asks, eyes back to their usual overly happy state that doesn’t quite fit with the atmosphere of the current situation.

“Sorry, Buck, I didn’t bring any.”

Buck shrugs like it’s no big deal, even though it kind of maybe is.

“I’ll bring them next time.” Eddie promises, and he realizes then that he doesn’t want to wait two more weeks to see Buck. Two weeks is forever. Two weeks is too long. “Next week. If that’s okay with you?”

Buck stills, smile gone, and then nods as he pours out the cup of coffee he poured for Eddie back into the coffee pot. Eddie stares, a little offended, feeling like he’s almost been punched in the gut. Is Buck saying no? Or if not that, then what is he saying? Does he not want him here? Does he want him to go? Eddie doesn’t want to go. He doesn’t want to not see Buck. The very thought, hurts somehow. Pains him.

Buck smiles good-naturally though and says, “Quesadillas are ready.” He turns with only his cup of coffee and sits down in his lawn chair, eyes glued to the sky. Eddie left standing, and reeling. How the heck…

“Okay, I’ll see you next week, Buck.”

Buck’s only response is, “God works in mysterious ways, Edmundo, and so does the universe.”

Eddie doesn’t believe that those things are mutually exclusive in the way Buck makes it sound like they are, but he doesn’t mention that or argue, he’s still in slight disbelief at the quesadillas comment. Has Buck been spying on them or something? He shakes his head quickly at that thought. No, that’s ridiculous.

He leaves, and when he gets home, the quesadillas are indeed ready, and he’s left scratching his head all the more for it. There’s no way it was said over the radio, none. And no other plausible explanation for it comes to mind.

_Huh._

…

“The Battle of Los Angeles was in 1942.” Buck explains without prompting. A cup of coffee between them as the eggs fry over the fire. The brown ones, not the white ones, because the brown ones taste better. Buck hasn’t spoken since Eddie got here, not until now. “It was rumoured that it was an attack on American soil by the Japanese, after Pearl Harbour, that was the panic that overtook the city until they denied it.”

Buck’s eyes are staring intently into the fire and Eddie’s are staring intently on Buck. He knows this story. He grew up hearing it, old war stories from his mom, and his grandfather before her from World War II. Eddie, who served in Vietnam at the tender age of nineteen for three and half years, then four on American soil after it was over knows all too well about the tall tales passed back and forth of strange lights in the skies, but Eddie knows better. He knows about the experimental aircraft. About the weather balloons. At least he thought he knew.

“Weather balloons of course came next…” Buck nods to himself. He looks like he wants to say more, but the eggs are nearly done. Sunny side up the way Eddie likes, so he pauses and fills his dish, handing it over without taking his eyes out of the flames. His eggs continue to cook until they’re nice and fried. Silence descending until Buck sits back down on his lawn chair, back relaxing down. Eddie still has his eyes on him, and he’s about to look away, to eat, but Buck’s eyes are suddenly moving up to his. “It wasn’t weather balloons, Eddie.”

There’s an intensity that rivals the intensity in Buck’s eyes from every time Eddie’s seen it before. His name, a shortened version of his name that everyone calls him, feels so odd coming out of Buck’s lips. It feels wrong almost. Eddie won’t lie. He hated Edmundo at first. His name is just so un-American, left him out of the loop of most things in school, born here or not, but Buck saying it. It sounded right. Sounded like it fit him.

“I think I prefer Edmundo.” Eddie tells him, and he’s not sure where that comes from, why he said it, but it breaks the tense atmosphere. A grin breaking out on Buck’s lips as he turns to his eggs and scoops them up with his hands. Eating quickly, he tells him, “I knew you would, _Edmundo._ ”

Eddie fights the grin threatening to break out, one of pure affection and adoration, but it wins out in the end. Breaking free and big, and before Eddie can look away from Buck’s brightness, Buck is looking back up, winking teasingly before he looks back down to his eggs, taking a large sip of coffee. Eddie does the same, the hot liquid spilling into his stomach, his cheeks heating up as he does so. He tells himself it’s because of the coffee. 

He tells himself a lot of things.

“The moon moves.” Buck says thoughtfully, his eggs gone and his eyes on the sky again. “It moves where it shouldn’t.”

Buck says things like this all the time, so Eddie’s used to it. He just hums in understanding and finishes eating. No longer feeling weird or self-conscious about the lack of utensils or manners, Eddie licks the plate clean. Today was a long shift. He’s hungry. Starving. Buck sits in that moon’s light, and Eddie finds himself watching wishfully. His shaggy mane pulled back behind his shoulders, Buck’s handsome features clear enough to see, the flames and moon dancing across those eyes of wonder. The sight, breathtaking.

“They go across the moon.” Buck continues. “I don’t know why. They haven’t told me that yet.”

“Maybe one day they will.” Eddie tries.

Buck nods and says, “Take this. It will be your guide into the maze of self-deception.” From somewhere under his blankets, Buck pulls out a small paperback, handing it over to Eddie without taking his eyes off of the sky. Eddie takes it with some confusion and holds it up near the fire so that he can read it. It really shouldn’t surprise him that there’s a poorly drawn alien on the front cover, but for some reason it does.

‘ ** _Intruders_** ,’ it reads.

“Thank you, Buck.”

“This is a library book.” Is Buck’s sharp response, eyes shifting to the fire now, wide and tense. His whole body looks tense, and Eddie is suddenly on high alert. Buck’s fingers slipping into the soft flesh of his arm. The last thing Eddie wants to see is anymore of Buck’s blood shed, especially at the fault of his own.

“Okay, okay.” He tells him calmly. He turns the book over but doesn’t see any card reader in the back. So not a library book, but Buck said… “You want me to return it next week?” He asks, because that must be what he means, right?

Buck nods sharply. “It’s mine. Mine.”

“Okay, alright, I gotcha, Buck. I’ll bring it next week with your food, alright?”

This seems to relax Buck as he settles down, all tension leaving him as his eyes turn back up to those twinkling stars. His fingers retract their tight grip, and the blanket is brought closer. Eddie’s heart slows. He didn’t even realize it had started beating quicker, or that he himself had grown tense and anxious, not until he starts to relax himself.

“So…” Eddie says, almost shakily a few moments later. “Christopher has a show and tell day on Friday at school. He wants to take my silver star, but, I’m not sure. I didn’t really deserve it.” He doesn’t know why he’s talking to Buck about this, but it feels right. The book rested gently on his lap, his hands never leaving it.

Buck’s lip upturns. “Sir. Edmundo.” Is his only response, but it says everything that needs to be said. That Buck is trying to say. Eddie understands him perfectly.

“Yeah.” He says with an almost laugh. “I guess I never told you about my service.”

“It’s okay.” Buck says softly, his finger pointing up to the sky. “They did.”

Eddie looks to where he’s pointing, and finds only the moon, but for Buck it’s so much more.

If nothing else, this book will help him understand Buck a little more. Eddie looks at that moon and he wonders things too. Big questions about life and the universe, about God, and even bigger ones about Buck. It was just an accident they said, but Eddie isn’t an idiot. There’s something else going on here. Something else. Because, well, a little accident doesn’t cause a man to grow his hair out, not wear shoes, and take off in an RV. To lose touch with reality like this. To be so afraid of stepping into an RV that he looks like he’s having an episode, as though Buck were the soldier back from some kind of war. A war Eddie doesn’t understand or even know the details about. And he wants to. He wants to know. He wants to know everything. Because he needs to, to help Buck, to do something. Anything.

And _dios_ , he is angry. Angry at the people who care about Buck most in the world, of all things, because Buck is all the way out here completely alone. Stuck in a world of aliens, UFO’s, and too much coffee. Barefoot and lost.

Almost like Buck can read his thoughts, he turns, away from the sky, and to Eddie. Eyes bearing into his own, down to his very soul as he says, “I’m okay, Edmundo. I’m okay.”

And Eddie wants to believe it, but Buck is turning back to the sky, hair that hasn’t been brushed in years, feet calloused from the loss of shoes, and an existence that only strives for one thing. To watch the stars.

“I’m okay.” He says again. His finger held out, and Eddie is helpless to deny him. He touches it with his own, and very gently, Buck moves away, but he doesn’t take his hand away, instead he slips it around Eddie’s. Warm and gentle, and Eddie is frozen in place. He doesn’t cup his hand back around Buck’s, nor does he squeeze. He just stays still and lets Buck hold his hand, and somehow, for right now, that’s enough. For the both of them. Maybe it always will be.

“Don’t get the Campbell’s soup.” Buck tells him. “There’s spells in that soup.”

Or maybe it won’t be.

“I know, Buck. Don’t worry, I know.”

…

“What’s that?” Bobby pauses in the middle of the station’s floor, between Eddie’s desk and Chimney’s. Hen’s not too far away. They’re all hard at the paperwork at the moment, but Chimney and Hen are just about to head out for another patrol, but at Bobby’s words, their eyes are slightly raised up to the situation at hand.

“I’m- I’m on my break, sir.” Eddie says quickly before grabbing his bookmark, a small piece of scrap paper, placing it in between page 278 and 288 of ‘ ** _Intruders_** ’. He snaps the book shut and sits up straighter, but Bobby is already shaking his head.

“No, I- Isn’t that Buck’s?” Bobby asks, his face holding varying degrees of shock and wonder. Eddie looks from him to the book, then back up with confusion.

“…Yes?” He half asks, not really understanding what’s going on here.

“Holy crap.” Chimney half yells as he gets up, walking over to take a closer look. He looks like he wants to reach out and pick it up, but Eddie remembers the tense tightening of Buck’s shoulders, his insistence, not with words, but with actions, on how important this book is to him. He trusts Eddie, to take care of it, and Eddie, before he can think, is already slamming his hand down on the book and bringing it closer to himself, almost protectively.

“Buck never lets that thing out of his sight.” Hen says with amazement clear in her voice as she too gets up, only she doesn’t try to get closer, instead she leans back against her desk with her arms crossed tightly over chest.

“Yeah, one time I almost touched it and he…” Chimney trails off as his and Hen’s face grimaces at the memory. “Well, it was bad.”

Bobby nods. “Yeah.” He looks lost in thought, and Eddie’s not really sure what to say to that.

“He let me borrow it.” He tries. He’s not sure he wants to disclose any more information, but they don’t ask for anymore, and he feels a little peeved by that. A little angry. He thinks of Buck out there all alone, and them, here. What happened to him? What happened to all of them? “I was wondering, you said an accident happened. What kind of accident exactly was it?”

It’s the wrong thing to say, everyone tenses up and Eddie feels suddenly sorry for his questions, but he wants to know. He feels like he needs to know. That maybe he’s a little entitled here. He’s been taking care of Buck far more than them, for over three months. All he knows is that there was an accident, and because of it strained relations between Buck and them have happened, but there must be more. There has to. Eddie knows about Buck’s fears. His tears. He’s not okay.

“It was just an accident.” Bobby says slowly, then with a little more heat behind his words, “That’s all you need to know.”

Eddie looks between all of them, Bobby’s intense eyes, Hen and Chimney’s ashamed expressions of guilt, then to Josh who’s biting his lip. An angry glare in his eye that has Eddie feeling a sort of kinship with him, because he’s angry too. Angry for Buck. Angry at them for lying. For not telling him.

“Hen, Chimney, it’s time for your patrol.” Bobby reminds them, his feet already carrying him back to his office where he shuts the door louder than needed. Eddie watches as Hen and Chimney leave, regret on their faces, but they never look at him once, nor utter a single word. They just go, and somehow that’s worse.

Eddie sighs and rubs his hands across his face as soon as it’s quiet. He hears as Josh gets up, opening a file cabinet and then a hushed, “Psst.” Eddie looks up sharply to find him leaning over a drawer of the filing cabinet. He nods his head over, and Eddie narrows his eyes, but he does come over. He stands up beside him, and Josh, without saying anything, pushes a few files away from a single one. One that’s clearly a file from a court case. A public record. He can just make out the title of, ‘ _Buckley vs. Nicon County_ ’. Eddie stares in shock. He knows the name Buckley. It’s Maddie’s name. It’s Buck’s.

Eddie looks up to find Josh already retreating back to his desk, hands quickly writing out a report. He never says anything, and Eddie nods in understanding. He touches the file and looking around to make sure that Bobby isn’t watching, nor that Hen and Chimney have returned, he takes the file out. He opens it and skims it. Most of it is a bunch of legal nonsense that he doesn’t understand.

Only two things are clear. One, Buck sued the county, and Bobby. Both are listed as co-defendants. Two, Buck settled for a large sum of money. The sum is there, but the amount of zeroes after the three, is more than Eddie’s ever seen. He sued his ex-boss and his ex-job. The freaking cops? Their crew!? The station!? Eddie feels his heart fall into his chest. Whatever accident happened on the job does not justify this. How could he?

A sense of betrayal stronger than anything he’s ever felt, strikes him. He stuffs the files back in and slams the cabinet door too fast and too hard. His feet carrying him quickly to his jacket, a quick, “I’m going home sick!” Called out behind him to Josh as he runs out of that station and into his car. He guns the gas pedal, and races to Buck’s. The sun has just gone down. His shift ends in minutes. He doesn’t know what he’s doing. His heart is going too fast. The anger overcoming all logical reasoning.

“Edmundo!” Is how Buck greets him when he gets there, a big smile on his lips that’s innocent and dopey, and beautiful, but Eddie is far too angry to care about any of that. He sneers, feet carrying him too close to Buck who flinches away, smile leaving him as his hands cling to his arms in fear.

“How could you!?” He yells, but Buck is silent, wide-eyed and confused. “You sued them!? Your ex-boss and your co-workers. Your brother-in-law? How could you!? They’re your team! Your crew!”

Buck doesn’t say anything, but Eddie can see that he understands. There’s guilt there. There’s pain. There’s so much fear, it’s toxic. Eddie chokes on it, but the anger is fiercer. It’s burning brighter. “You- You sit here on the outskirts of town acting like you should be- be pitied or something. But you sued them. And you won. Millions of dollars, and yet you take food and money from your sister! From them who you stole it from! How could you, Buck!? I thought- I thought…” He trails off, fingers tugging at his hair in frustration as he paces around, trying to calm down. To- To do something. He doesn’t know what. Then, quieter, “You don’t do that to your own people. Whatever happened to you- you shouldn’t have done that… And you should have told me.”

He turns and he walks away, and he leaves. And he’s not sure if he’ll ever come back, again. If he’ll even want to.

…

When he pulls up to his house, he finds his hands gripping the steering wheel far too tightly than he should be. His body rigid and unmovable. Mind still filled with swirling fury, anger that seeps out like a terrible wound posed to kill, but then his eyes turn down onto his passenger seat, and it all falls away. The anger. The frustration. The betrayal and pain that tastes so real, Eddie’s never known anything more true. On the seat holds Buck’s copy of, ‘ ** _Intruders_** ’. The badly drawn alien on the cover’s dark black eyes bear into Eddie’s own. He sees Buck’s eyes in them. He sees Buck only, the lost soul. The one who can’t quite figure out how to be normal anymore.

The guy who likes brown eggs better than the white. Who drinks too much coffee, and likes things to have all the colours of the world. Buck who things that the fire is the only real light on Earth. Who stares at the sky with such wonder as though it were the first time he was looking at it. Every single time. _ET_ Buck. Teddy in arms. Wicked battery system that he built himself. Brain filled with facts about the skies, about the world. The big questions. Wonder. No socks. No shoes. Hair past his shoulders. A free spirit in all sense of the word.

His Buck.

And he yelled at him.

Eddie silently hits his fist against the steering wheel, and grabs the book on his way inside. He goes through the motions of eating supper, of changing, of saying hello to his son. Asking him about his day, helping him to bathe and get changed. Setting up a movie on the VCR, and cooking popcorn in the microwave. A goodnight to his aunt, and then he’s there, sitting in his armchair, Buck’s book in hand. He’s almost finished it. Almost.

“Hey, bud, do you mind if I finish this book while you watch the movie?” Eddie asks gently. “I sort of promised a friend of mine.”

Christopher, his brilliant and selfless son looks over and smiles wide. “Buck?” He asks. Eddie nods his head. “Yeah Buck.”

“Y- You should al- always keep a- a prom- promise.”

“You know what? I think I have the best son in the whole world.” He leans over and ruffles Christopher’s hair, his laughter peeling through in delight as the movie’s first scene begins to play. He opens the book to the scrap of paper he uses as a bookmark and continues reading. He reads and he reads, and when he’s done, he shuts the book and feels worse. He feels all sorts of bad things, guilt on top of it all. Crushing him until he can barely breathe.

“Daddy?”

“Yeah, Christopher?”

Eddie wipes it all away and leans over to where his son looks up at him carefully, eyes over his big frames he says, “Y- You should apologise.”

“Apologize?” Eddie’s blood runs cold for some reason. How does he know? His son’s always been observant, but he didn’t say anything about this.

“Y- You’re face is- is lik- like when Goldie died.”

Goldie. Christopher’s gold fish when he was nine. Eddie accidentally knocked the bowl over, and the time he got the fish back in some water, it was too late. He knew how much Christopher loved that fish. He felt so horrible, so guilty. He didn’t know how to tell him. How to explain what happened without Christopher hating him. So he just sat him down and told him, and apologised. Christopher asked him why he was apologising, and Eddie very carefully told him that’s what you do when you do something bad. When you make a mistake.

“You m- made a mis- mistake, didn’t yo- you, daddy?”

Eddie grimaces. “Yeah,” He nods, because he will never lie to his son. “I think I did.”

“Just sa- say sorry. He’ll for- forgive you.”

Eddie can’t help it, he pulls Christopher into a tight hug that he returns enthusiastically as Eddie whispers into his hair, “Yeah, I’ve definitely got the best son in the world, and the smartest.”

“Th- That’s fair. I- I have the b- best dad.”

Eddie pulls away quickly. “Since when did you grow up?”

“I’m al- almost as t- tall a- as you!”

Eddie chuckles. “You wish. I still think you have a few more years until then, buddy.”

“We’ll s- see.”

He brings him in for another hug, but his smile disappears, it fades as the face of Buck, devastated and silent fills his mind. Shit. He’s really a terrible person, isn’t he? Buck should be fine though, right? He needs to talk to Maddie. He needs to understand… More. He can’t go back there unless, unless he’s sure about some things.

“How about I call Hen and Karen, and see if Denny is up for a sleepover?”

…

“Eddie?” Chimney asks as he rubs the sleep out of his eyes. “What are you doing here, man? It’s twelve in the morning.”

Eddie stands on his small porch, the door open only enough for Chimney to be able to look out, but once he sees it’s him, he opens it slightly more, leaning on it for support. Obviously very tired. He must have just woken up, and Eddie feels almost bad about that, but then he thinks of the blatant lies. Of the lawsuit never mentioned. Of this cover up, and wow he’s starting to sound like Buck. He’s not sure if that’s a good thing or not.

“I’m sorry, but I need to talk to your wife.” He sounds harsh even to his own ears, angry too. No longer at Buck, and not even at Chimney or Maddie, just at this situation. Whatever it is. “It’s about Buck.” Those must be the magic words, because Chimney stops rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, it’s instead just gone. Gone by those magic words. Eyes widening, he opens the door a little more.

“Buck? Is he okay?”

“I don’t know.” Eddie says, and it sounds more honest than anything he’s ever said about Buck, to them before. “I really don’t know. Why don’t you tell me?”

Chimney shakes his head. “I don’t understand.”

“Chimney? Honey?” It’s Maddie. Eddie can hear her footsteps come closer. He knows that she’ll be able to hear him, and he doesn’t want Chimney blocking him from talking to her, so he blurts it out. Loud and clear.

“I know about the lawsuit, Chimney.” The door snaps all the way open, and Maddie’s eyes are wide on Eddie’s, her arms across her middle over a large purple housecoat. “I know about the scar on the back of his head. What I don’t know, is why he doesn’t want to be around you guys, or why I find him sitting on top of RV’s crying his eyes out while you all sit here drinking tea!”

He’s fuming, breathing heavily, and wow he is so much more angry than he thought he was. He thought it was gone. He thought he got rid of it, but apparently not. What’s even worse, is that the guilt and the flinch of both Chimney and Maddie makes him feel a little better. A little glad. He tries to breathe. He tries to focus, but it’s so hard. He’s so angry, and it’s really not at Buck, it’s for him.

“Maybe you should come in…” Chimney tries.

Eddie isn’t looking at him though, he’s looking to Maddie who looks up, clearly startled. “All you need to know, is that he was hurt, badly. Anything else, well, you need to wait until he’s ready. It’s a crap answer, I know, but I’m his sister.” He scoffs at that, he can’t help it, she flinches and Chimney takes a step forward. Maddie shakes her head at him, and Chimney backs down. Her eyes going back to Eddie’s. “What he’s been through was hell, how can you judge him? You have no idea why he filed that lawsuit, and you know what? I don’t care. I’m glad he did it and that he won, because that means he’s taken care of for the rest of his life. But what happed, you don’t have the right to know that not unless he wants you to… I wasn’t here for it. I was living in LA with my abusive Ex, and I hate myself every day for that fact. That I wasn’t here. I’m sorry. I’ve said sorry to him until I was blue in the face, but Buck has been to hell and back. He needs time.”

Maddie’s hand touches his shoulder gently, and Eddie feels himself calm down just a little as he looks to Chimney for confirmation in what she’s saying. He nods, giving it, and Eddie is inclined to trust them. He feels better somehow, because if Maddie wasn’t here, if there was nothing she could do, well, it’s better somehow, but… “It’s been five years.”

Maddie nods. “I know.” She pauses, biting her lip a little nervously. “I know you were in Vietnam. I used to volunteer at the VA when I was in my first year of nursing school, before I was in medical school. I saw a lot of bad things there, and- and just let me ask you this… How long did it take for you to get over that?”

Eddie nods, because yeah, she got him there. “Okay.” He tells her, and she lets go of him. He turns back to his car, and he leaves. He makes his way out of town, because the answer to her question is simple. There is none. He still wakes up in a sweat from time to time. Lost in nightmares that don’t make sense to most. He still is afraid when there’s no reason to be. Tensing up and looking for escape routes in the grocery stores. He can’t talk about that stuff, and he expects Buck to? He expects Maddie to break his trust and reveal all?

Yeah, Maddie’s right.

Shit.

He’s the bad guy here.

…

When he gets to Buck’s, he’s not sure what he was expecting to find. He didn’t tell Maddie about what happened. That he came here and yelled at Buck. He wants to say something honourable and heroic, that he didn’t say anything so Maddie wouldn’t worry. That extra stress would be bad for her and her baby, but that wouldn’t be the truth. The truth is that he’s ashamed and guilty, and feeling all manner of bad things. Maddie said don’t make him angry, don’t stress him out, basically, but he defied all of it. He got lost in his own anger, a misplaced anger, and now he’s in Buck’s little campsite, and Buck is nowhere to be found.

He looks up to the RV’s roof, but it’s empty, the campsite, empty, and so he reaches for the door of the RV, but he’s pretty sure that Buck won’t be there. It’s funny because the coffee machine is on, coffee already full in the pot, and the lights above are all lighted up, but the RV is empty. The campsite empty. His chair filled with his usual pile of blankets, but empty. Buck is gone.

_‘He once wandered into another state barefoot, dehydrated, and suffering from exposure.’_

Maddie said that once, and Eddie took it seriously. He really did, but now- oh fuck. He feels such grand terror, such fear that tears start prickling in his eyes. Worry and concern choking him. His heart feels like it’s disappeared as his eyes wander all over looking for some kind of clue. Some kind of direction. A prayer on his lips to all the saints he knows, to Mother Mary, to God.

“Please, please, dios. Please.”

He finds it. His sign. His miracle, in a big spot of blood. It’s the worse sign he could get, but it is something, and it’s a trail. Drips of blood leading away from the campsite down towards the treeline. He hurries to his van, pulling out his flashlight and clicking it on to follow. He runs and runs, and he’s only been this afraid once before. When Christopher couldn’t walk. When they went to the hospital and found out about the complications. About the CP and his limited life. Eddie got so angry then too, he told them to shut the hell up, that Christopher’s life would never be limited. Not if he could help it. The drive back was silent, Shannon didn’t say a word, and Eddie was sure that she was pissed, but as soon as they got home, she smiled and kissed him for all the world was worth, a whispered, ‘ _Christopher’s life will be limitless_ ,’ shared between them. ‘ _I’ve never been more in love with you, Mr. Diaz.’_

“BUCK! BUCK!?” He yells it, hands cupped over his mouth as he goes through the trees, the blood slowing to a trickle. It can’t run out, not before he finds him. Not before. He can’t lose Buck. He can’t lose anyone else. He just can’t. He won’t. “BUCK!”

“There’s no need to yell, Edmundo. I’m brain damaged, not deaf.” Eddie cries. Fuck, he cries in relief. Sagging down to the forest floor where Buck sits curled up and huddled, eyes amused on his own. Filled with joy that does not meet the situation at hand. Eddie wants to reach out and hug him, breath relief into his skin, but he can’t, so instead he sits and stares at him in so much awe. His heart full and dancing, and tears of relief so great, he can barely see those beautiful blues in the flurry.

“Don’t cry, you’ll scare the squirrels.” Buck’s lips turn into a frown, his own eyes tearing up.

“I’m sorry, Buck.” Eddie tells him. “I’m- I’m just so happy that you’re okay. I- I didn’t mean any of it, _mi sol_ , I promise.”

Buck nods, then looks away up to the sky. “I yell too, sometimes.” Buck bites his lip and Eddie needs him to look at him again, but he doesn’t. So they sit and Eddie tries to figure out, without touching him, where all that blood came from. He finds the source fairly easily. It’s from Buck’s curled up hand, pressed into his chest that soaks his shirt. A few stitches will be needed, Eddie guesses, but nothing more. He’s so relieved, it hurts. His chest aches. He feels so tired. Like he’s run a marathon.

“We should get back, and get you cleaned up, Buck.” Eddie tells him, but Buck makes no indication that he’s willing to move. “Please?” His voice almost breaks, and Eddie almost feels embarrassed. He’s never lost it this much before, never been so much like a girl, not unless Christopher counts, but in that instance and situation, he is a father. A caring and protective one. With Buck… He’s just a good friend, and yet that doesn’t really fit right.

“I didn’t bring any eggs, but if you still have that parmesan and those noodles, I can try my hand at mac and cheese.” He remembers that its Buck’s favourite, according to Maddie anyways. The homemade stuff, not the boxed one. Either way, it seems to do the trick as Buck lights up. Looking to Eddie with a huge grin. He nods. “Follow the leader.” He starts to stand, feet a little wobbly, and Eddie has to resist the urge to help hold him up, his arms twitching uselessly at his sides as Buck stands up and waits, and right, ‘follow the leader.’ So Eddie leads, and if every two seconds he turns around to check to make sure Buck is there, that he’s following, that’s between them.

It doesn’t take too long to get back to Buck’s campsite, and with some wrangling, Eddie gets the emergency first aid kit out of the back of his van. Buck flinches away from him and Eddie nods in understanding. “I’ll tell you what to do then, okay Buck?”

“Simon says?” Is the counter reply he gets, Buck still holding his arm close to his chest, blood stopped for now. Eddie wonders how he cut himself, he didn’t see anything here, but then again there’s a lot of knickknacks, but the big pile of blood was not around anything, nothing that Eddie could see anyway.

“Yeah.” Eddie nods, understanding what Buck is saying. “Simon says.”

Buck nods too, eyes flickering around a little, almost nervously as Eddie opens the first aid kit and takes stock of their limited supplies. Stiches aren’t going to happen out here, and Buck won’t let him take him to a hospital, Eddie knows that without asking. He could get some supplies and bring it tomorrow, he was a medic in ‘nam, but something tells him that despite the mediating circumstances, Buck still won’t allow the touch. No stiches then. It will still heal, it will just need to be bandaged very tightly and it will take longer. More likely to scar, and more chance of infection, but if Eddie comes every day and supervises, it should be fine. He’s seen far worse be dealt with far less.

“Take that small bottle out, Buck.” He starts, but Buck doesn’t listen, his eyes still wandering, itching towards the sky, but for some reason, he doesn’t look up right now. Eddie feels ridiculous when he says his next words, but it’s all he’s got, so he tries with, “Simon says, take the small bottle out.”

Buck’s eyes light up at that, grin wide as he follows Eddie’s instructions. He takes the small bottle out, and his eyes no longer wander. They’re on Eddie’s. Completely. Exclusively. Waiting for his next instruction. Complete confidence, and trust. Eddie vows to never take it for granted again, nor to break it. Or break Buck. No matter how angry he is, he won’t ever yell at him like that again. He just won’t.

“That’s good, Buck, thanks. Now, Simon says, to pour it on the wound.”

It takes a while, but when they finish, Buck falls exhaustedly back into his lawn chair. He shuffles out of his shirt and puts his sweater on overtop. Eddie turns away, giving him some privacy which seems silly. He’s seen far worse in the corp., but for some reason he wants to give Buck privacy. Feels like he has to. Maybe because Buck might not be able to say if he wants it or not, if he even knows.

Buck doesn’t say anything, and Eddie nods, resigned before getting up to put the first aid kit away. His feet stalling at the half empty box of food. The noodles and parmesan staring back at him almost mockingly. Shit, he said he’d make mac and cheese. Now he has to figure that out over an open flame, because Eddie’s pretty sure Buck does not have gas for his stove in the RV. How is he going to manage this?

“Water is on the left, and fire is on the left.” Buck whispers tiredly, eyes shifting to the sky as he curls into a tight ball. He strangely doesn’t pull his covers up though, he leaves them at the end of his chair, at his feet.

Eddie nods like he understands and gets up, eyes scanning the wooden deck, and then he walks over to the left of the RV and he sees it. A small campsite like tap sticking up and out. Water. He walks over to the right, and there is a big stack of firewood with an axe wedged into the middle of a stump clearly used for chopping it down. Eddie wonders how he missed all this, but to be fair it’s pretty dark out here every time he is here, and there really shouldn’t be a water tap out here. How did it get here?

“Milk is in the icebox!” Buck calls, and Eddie looks to him, but Buck doesn’t turn around, only his shaggy hair visible, but Eddie knows there’s a cooler around her somewhere in the pile of random things. He’s seen it on countless occasions. That must be what Buck is talking about, and yes! It is. Eddie finds it and it’s there, and most surprising of all is that the milk still looks good.

Looks like Buck is going to get his mac and cheese after all.

He swears he sees Buck smirk in response, as though he could read his mind.

_Huh._

Somehow Eddie manages to make the mac and chees, which is kind of crazy in itself since all he has is a half pot, a fire, noodles, and some parmesan cheese with a dash of milk, but when he hands Buck’s dish over, he’s grinning from ear to ear. He’s happy as he munches on the noodles, body curled into itself, and eyes very tired. He lost some blood, and Eddie makes sure that Buck drinks some water before he allows for coffee, silently wishing that he had some juice all the while. He continues with the ‘Simon Says,’ until he’s sure Buck will be okay, his last order for Buck to keep the wound clean and dry, and that he’ll be back tomorrow to check on it.

Buck smiles at him with that and holds up his shaking finger gently, Eddie almost wants to roll his eyes with fondness, but the puppy dog eyes are hard to resist. He’s quick to meet him, warmth spreading through the digits, his heart a little better for it, and when Buck pulls away and Eddie holds out his hand just in case, it’s not so much if a surprise when Buck holds back. Warmth filters through him, and the stars above seem to shine brighter. 

“Does Simon Say that he’s okay?” Buck asks gently, eyes up above.

Eddie looks to him and nods, his tears dried and gone. Buck’s too, if there were any, which Eddie knows there was without having to see. “Yeah, Buck, Simon Says that he’s okay… Are you?”

He doesn’t get a response, and he’s not sure if he was expecting one, but the hand in his squeezes and that speaks more than words ever could.

…

After that night things go pretty much back to how they were before, Eddie comes over every day for the next couple of weeks to make sure that Buck is healing alright, and Buck’s answering grin makes his heart feel warm, every single time. He feels happy and grateful, and it becomes so much more than he thought it would. He feels like he wants more though, he wants Christopher to meet Buck. Because… Well, Buck is sort of his best friend now. He tells him everything. Tells him things that he’s never been able to tell anyone else. Sure, he’s good friends with Hen and Chimney at the station, with their partners, and even Bobby and Josh to an extent, but it’s not the same.

He knows it’s a lot to ask, but he wouldn’t ask it if he didn’t think it a good idea. He’s not sure when, just that he will. It’s on the tip of his tongue every time he sees Buck, and after the wound closes, even more so. He goes back to coming once a week. Every second week is a food and supplies delivery, and each time he’s there, they talk, and drink too much coffee, and Buck tells him about constellations and the patterns and movements of the planets. Of the sun and moon, and all the stars up above, and it’s so much. Eddie wonders how Buck is able to hold that all in his mind. He could never.

He returns the book, and Buck’s features are grateful, relieved, almost as though he didn’t expect Eddie to bring it back. To keep his word. But Eddie always keeps his word. “That’s what knights do, Buck, their word is their honour, and that’s everything.” He tries to explain, to help Buck understand in a language that he can understand. Buck isn’t stupid, he just sees and explains the world a little differently than most. He’s no crazy either, he’s just… Eccentric.

Buck’s answering nod is enough, his words of, “Yes, Sir Edmundo.” A salute to his head, much like he did the first time Eddie was here when he was saying goodbye to Chimney. It should offend him, he was in the army and it’s not a joke, but Buck is deadly serious, and Eddie knows Buck means no offense. His infectious smile says so.

Eddie likes to think that him being here with Buck is helping him, that whatever happened to him is getting better somehow, but after he yelled at him, he’s not so sure. Then, Eddie comes over before dark hits. He knows that Maddie has said explicitly to never come during the day, but he got off early, and he had a shit day. He needed to talk to someone, and that someone more and more lately seems to be Buck.

It’s unnerving to come to the campsite and see Buck not there. The lights off and coffee machine dead. Empty. It’s like a small little ghost town. Everything in the light of day looks like the opposite as it should be, not alive and vibrant, but cold and dead. Eddie shivers and looks to the RV because Buck is nowhere in sight. He’s afraid again, heart in his throat after last time, but as soon as he opens the RV he can breathe a little easier, because Buck is there, laying on the floor, and then its short lived. Because Buck is there laying on the floor, as still as a corpse. 

“Buck! Buck?” He’s not panicking, except he is. He runs in quickly and goes to Buck’s side, shaking him, but he doesn’t rouse. His hand goes to his nose and waits with his heart in his throat until he feels breath on his hand. He’s breathing. His finger goes to his pulse point and he has a good heart beat. Slow and steady, but calm and there. Nothing seems to be wrong, he just won’t wake up. But it’s all wrong because he’s just lying there on the cold floor, no blankets or pillows, on his side as though he fell. Eddie looks around frantically, but all he sees is a messy RV filled with even more crap, even more knickknacks that Eddie knows has meaning in every one for Buck, the windows that should have light coming in, don’t. They’re covered in tinfoil and blankets. It’s as dark as ever, the only light coming from the open door. Just enough for Eddie to see the medicine bottle.

“Evan Buckley.” Eddie reads to himself, a small whisper in the quiet of the RV, the only sound being Buck’s long breaths. Eddie’s hand on his shoulder. He forgot it was even there, and a part of him is very convinced to just leave it there, Buck wouldn’t notice, he’s asleep. Unconscious, but that would be wrong. So wrong. He pulls away and reads the bottle of a very high dose of a strong sleep medication. Eddie’s never delivered him medication before, and so the only explanation he can gather, is either Buck has a lifetime supplies in here, or Chimney and Hen’s little innocent visits aren’t as innocent as they say.

He checks Buck’s breathing again, because he feels that he has to. He still breathes, and Eddie relaxes a little, but the sight of Buck passed out on drugs, prescription or not, is unsettling. He looks around and finds blankets. Extra ones it seems on the table, along with a bunch of wires and other parts of machinery that he can’t quite identify. He grabs the blankets, and rolls one up. Very carefully he lifts Buck’s head and places it underneath in a makeshift pillow, the other blankets he pulls over him, and then he backs away. His itch to touch Buck, to feel his warm skin under his hands is outshined by his need to not screw things up again. So he just sits, legs held up to his chest as though he were a child again. Worry and concern, and questions moving all throughout his mind as the sun slowly fades away.

He’s not sure when Buck became so much to him, but he is, and Eddie could sit here and watch him sleep all day, all night. If there’s something he as to do to make him better, he’d do it. In a heartbeat. No matter what. This medication is dangerous. It’s too strong. It’s too much. Why the hell is Buck taking it? He remembers when Shan… No, he won’t think about that. About her. Not now. This is different anyway. She had cancer, Buck has a brain that’s damaged and some kind of awful trauma. It’s different.

It’s different.

…

When Buck wakes up, he screams himself hoarse, he flings the blankets off of himself and runs out of the RV. The sun completely gone now. Eddie runs after him, but Buck is already reaching for a nearby basin and puking his guts out. Eddie’s closer to him, his hand itching to touch him. To rub his back like he does with Christopher. It seems to help him, maybe it could help Buck, but Buck is moving further away from Eddie, and it does hurt, but Eddie doesn’t push it. He stands, and waits, and when Buck is done, he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, and stares up at Eddie wide eyed.

“Let me get you some water, Buck.” Eddie tells him as he grabs a mug and fills it up at the tap on the other side of the RV. He brings it back but Buck backs away from it scared. “Boils. Boils the- the chemical. Boils.”

Eddie almost sighs. He won’t drink it. He wants it boiled first. Eddie nods and moves to the coffee machine to run the water through. It will be faster than starting a fire. He does it, eyes on Buck as Buck stands there staring and looking around, as though he were searching for something. He does that the entire time until the water’s ready, and when it is ready, he swallows it down in one go, not caring that it’s burning hot.

“Careful, Buck.” Eddie says softly, but it doesn’t matter what he says, Buck does it anyway. Still, he feels sorry for coming over like this. The look of fear in Buck’s eyes when he woke up was terrible, and Eddie can’t help but wonder if he’s making things worse here. If Buck is getting worse because of him, not better like everyone seems to think. That he thought. “I’m sorry, Buck, I shouldn’t have come like this.”

Buck looks at him, almost lost. Or at a loss. It’s hard to tell, but his response is hard to read, his words being, “No flashlight?”

Eddie narrows his eyes, unsure what he’s really trying to say here. He knows Buck better now. Understands him better. But sometimes it’s still hard. “No flashlight.” He agrees as though he knows what he’s agreeing too. “Are you okay? Do you feel okay?”

Buck doesn’t answer, he just walks over and sits curled up in his chair, knees to his chest as he burrows in. “How was your day, Edmundo?” He asks, and Eddie is helpless to deny him, to ignore that. So he tells him. He tells him everything, and he’s not sure if it helps, but he hopes it does. He prays that he’s doing the right thing coming here. He feels very uncertain. Unsure of himself. He’s only felt like this with Christopher before, and Shannon. He’s never let anyone get closer than that, and now, somehow, he has. With Buck.

It’s a sobering thought.

He looks to Buck who grins up at the sky, and he shakes his head, because how exactly did this happen? Since when did he get a new best friend? And a life where him not in it, seems almost unbearable.

_This is how I felt before Shannon left us. Buck won’t leave us, will he?_ He used to say the same about Shannon, until she was coughing up blood, and it became impossible to dream.

“Eddie, look, it’s Mars! Then there’s Venus, they’re the brightest now.”

Eddie looks to where Buck points and grins, the excitement on Buck’s features, making him excited too, and happy. Very happy. More happy than he can remember being since… Now, if only…

“Hey, Buck?” He asks gently. He watches as Buck nods, eyes still on the sky, but he does nod. A sign of acknowledgement. Which is new, but it’s more than Eddie or anyone would have gotten five months ago. “Christopher really wants to meet you, and I’d like you to meet him. To get to know him. How would you feel about that?”

It’s the truth. Eddie talks about Buck to Christopher, and Christopher to Buck. Christopher always asks questions, excited and happy to hear about his new friend that he’s never even met. He’s been asking to meet him, but he’s such a smart and good kid that he tells Eddie, ‘only i- if Bu- Buck’s r- ready.’ Eddie loves him so much. He loves the both of them, a whole hell of a lot. Buck is his best friend. He should know his son. It only seems right. More than that, it makes sense, but Buck is frozen. Smile gone, and body still, and Eddie is worried he’s screwed up again. He doesn’t say anything, and Eddie feels compelled to because of that.

“I want you to know him. He’s my son, and you’re my best friend.” Eddie says, his voice not breaking, but tender in hurt at the thought that Buck doesn’t want to meet him. “You’re both the most important people in my life… Will you at least think about it?”

Buck looks up then, no smile, just, a new kind of wonder. “Best friend?” He asks, lip wobbling like he’s about to cry.

“Yeah, Buck, of course you’re my best friend. Aren’t I yours?” He says the last part a little jokingly, and maybe it’s the wrong thing to say because he has his sister. He has Chimney and Hen, and Bobby, and even Josh, but Buck’s face breaks out into a smile. The largest yet, and Eddie feels such relief, all the way up until it’s snatched away again, almost in the same second. More serious and more sad, pure sorrow and grief, than Eddie’s ever seen him, Buck leans in and says, “Tell Maddie, Roswell.”

Buck nods slowly and gently before pulling back. He grips the blankets tightly to himself, and he doesn’t speak. Not the whole time Eddie’s there, and Eddie is confused. He’s left floundered. He doesn’t know what to do, but that’s not quite true because Buck told him what to do. He’s not sure what it means, or what it has to do with Buck meeting his son, but he’s determined to find out. To figure it out.

“Okay, Buck.” He says gently, a promise in every word. “I’ll tell her.”

…

“Roswell? He said that?” Maddie asks, eyebrows raised, and hand pressed against her increasingly large stomach. She’s in her eighth month of pregnancy and things are going better, but she has yet to leave her home and see Buck herself. It’s still off limits if she wants a healthy birth. Eddie doesn’t want to make things worse, but the tension and shock on Maddie’s features is enough to feel like maybe he has.

“Babe?” Chimney asks gently as his hand touches her lower back, the other around her arm as he helps guide her to sit down at the kitchen table. “Water?” At her nod he rushes over and fills a glass, bringing it back just as quickly. She drowns it down in one go, much like Buck did, and looks up to Eddie sharply.

“Are you sure he said that?” She asks, eyes growing more anxious, her hands holding on tightly to each other, onto her arms. Much the same as Buck does. It almost makes Eddie smile, if he didn’t think they were siblings before, he would now.

“Yeah, I am.” Eddie confirms, a little nervous and scared himself. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting but it must be something important. Something big with the way that she’s reacting. She’s a doctor, her hands are always steady, and Chimney looks concerned. Eddie’s never seen him look like that.

“Maybe you should go.” Chimney says looking back to Eddie, a fire behind each word as his wife frowns.

Eddie remembers when Shannon was pregnant with Christopher. How protective he got, especially in the last few months. How every little discomfort for her made his heart leap into his throat. He was there for it all, from the moment he was conceived until after he was born. Then he was deployed again. His last few tours. They grew distant. He wasn’t there for her as much as he should have been, and then it was too late.

He nods to Chimney, making himself ready to leave, but Maddie reaches out and grips Chimney’s arm tightly. Eyes a little annoyed, a little angry, but mostly there’s a deep sadness there. A small shake of her head and quick, “No,” leaving her lips now full of venom. Eddie’s not sure why she’s so angry at him, but Chimney doesn’t seem to question it, he just nods, almost resigned.

“Please, honey give us an hour. Go see Hen and Karen, and Denny. I’ll call you when we’re done.” She tells him a little softer, her grip loosening.

“Maddie-”

“No, I’m serious. I can’t do this with you here.”

He looks like he wants to argue, but he doesn’t. He nods slowly and pulls her close, kissing her on her forehead softly. “I love you. Call me if you need me. I’ll be just down the street.”

“I know.” Her smile is warm, and then Chimney is standing up. His hands reaching to the dish nearby to pull out his keys.

His eyes land on Eddie before he leaves though, a stern, “Take care of her,” is said to him. Chimney doesn’t even need to ask, but Eddie nods all the same. “I will.” And then Chimney is gone, front door clicking shut behind him as Eddie’s full attention is focused on Buck’s sister. Her own eyes stay firmly planted on her nervous fingers.

“What’s Roswell?” He needs to know. He can’t wait. He’s anxious himself. Worried for Buck who wouldn’t speak one word after. Buck who’s lost, and sad, and filled with old wounds that are so clearly not just the brain damage he suffers from. Or maybe it’s not even brain damage. Maybe that scar was something else. Maybe it’s in his mind. Maybe that’s better. Maybe that’s worse.

“You might hate me for this, but before I tell you, I need you to know that I’ve forgiven Chimney. I’ve forgiven Bobby and Hen. Josh wasn’t even working here when it happened, him and me are pretty good friends because of that fact. He was my first friend here when I came.” Maddie explains, and none of it is making much sense to Eddie, but he nods anyway, hoping and praying that Maddie continues. That this nagging feeling that this is the story of what happened to Buck, is true. “I’ve forgiven Chimney, but we have a deal… I still get to be angry sometimes.”

She half smiles and Eddie nods in understanding, because he and Shannon were like that, too. It was about his need to be in the army. She forgave him for it, but she was allowed to be angry by it, upset on occasion. She got a free pass and he didn’t leave his men behind. Only thing is, it turns out that he would leave her behind, in the end. The mother of his son. That pain and anger at himself, it will never go away. Never.

“Buck was a deputy here, before you. He started when he was almost twenty three. He was trained and sent here, and he loved every minute of it. He was close with Bobby, in fact he was like a father to him. Way more of a parent then ours ever was. Chimney and Hen were the siblings he lost…” Guilt cross her eyes, but she doesn’t stray on it, she keeps going like the fighter Eddie’s learning that she really is. Her and Buck have that in common too, just like their anxious hands and ability to gulp down water. “He loved the job so much it became his whole life for almost three years, and he’d take all the holidays he could. Working them so the others didn’t have to. Then, well, I’ll give you the short version… But… One Christmas he was called for an assault. A man in his thirties who attempted to rape his stepdaughter. He took him to the station and tried to call Bobby.”

“Bobby didn’t pick up?” Eddie guesses, not understanding really exactly where this is going.

Maddie nods. “Yeah, he, well, I really shouldn’t be telling you this, but he is a recovering alcoholic. He relapsed and was too out of it to understand Buck, to even remember their conversation in the morning. Chimney and Hen were supposed to stop in the middle of the week to check on things, as per Bobby’s orders but since they know how much Buck loves to take over, loves this job, they didn’t.”

Maddie’s voice is filled with unspoken anger and Eddie wasn’t feeling it yet, but now he’s sure he’s starting to as a picture fills his mind of what exactly happened. “They got in the elevator to go downstairs to the cells but the elevator’s chords snapped, one of them did anyway, and Buck was thrown down with the suspect. We don’t really know what exactly happened, but what we do know is that Bu…” She stops herself, lip wobbling as tears come, but she doesn’t let them fall, she holds them back. “Buck was stuck in there for ten days, all the way over New Year’s Eve, up until the second. What they found was him with a cracked open skull, barely alive, and the suspect… He was dead.”

“He died from the fall?” Eddie’s voice is hard as steel, he doesn’t even recognize it to his own ears. Everything is blurry. Nothing makes sense.

“Officially? Yes.”

He tries not think about that right now, instead he focuses on Buck. On how he could have survived stuck in an elevator shaft for ten days with no food, or more importantly, no water. It’s impossible. It’s unbelievable. This can’t be the whole story. He says as much. “Ten days? That’s not possible.”

Maddie nods, a soft smile of matching disbelief in her eyes. “I know. I know. We all do, but Buck won’t talk about it, so we have no idea. And- the lawsuit, well, after Buck was taken to the hospital and cleared he wanted to get back to work. He acted like everything was normal. He wouldn’t let anyone speak a word of it, and yet Bobby wouldn’t let him. His leg was too badly damaged and he was having trouble remembering things. That’s where the lawsuit came in. He just wanted to work. Just wanted things to go back to how they were.”

“But they didn’t.” Eddie’s hands curl into tight fists.

Maddie shakes her head. “The lawyer that he got was good, but Buck got worse, and then he needed surgery. Brain surgery to clear up a bleeder, but he decided to forego surgery in the hope that it would clear up on its own.”

“But it didn’t.”

“No, and I could have…” She stops herself, waving her hand. “It doesn’t matter, what matters is the lawyer acted as his legal and medical proxy. She got him the surgery, but there was irreversible damage. It helped, with the lawsuit. The lawyer got it settled, a nice paycheck for herself, and enough money for Buck to never have to worry about it again. And the others were angry but they were more guilty. I for one am so grateful to that lawyer. To Abby. Without Ms. Clark, I don’t know where my brother would be.”

Buck was stuck in an elevator shaft with a rapist for ten days. Whenever he died, however that happened, he was stuck with a body. No food. No water. Eddie’s heard horror stories like this in the war, and it seems that Maddie doesn’t know anymore, or won’t say it, and Eddie won’t say it either, but he can’t help but think about it. About how everything starts to fall into place. How Buck hates tight spaces. Hates being in his RV. Is scared of the light rather than seek it out. Which is common in trauma, usually there’s two extremes, either avoidance completely, or going to only thing that makes sense. And he does have brain damage, but he’s also been to hell and back, just like Maddie said.

But how did he survive that? That’s the question Maddie posed, and Eddie wishes he could say it was aliens, or something, but he has a pretty good idea. A pretty good and terrible idea, and suddenly he’s not angry anymore. Instead he’s incredibly heartbroken. He wants to cry. He wants to tear his heart out in grief.

“Roswell was our code word, when he were younger.” Maddie smiles through the tears that she now let’s fall, part in grief and part in happiness as she reminisces to better times. “When something happened and we didn’t want our parents to know the truth. We’d help each other to lie. To make up some grand tale.”

Eddie feels his heart drop. “Is- Is that what this was?”

Maddie shakes her head. “No, Eddie, this is me telling you the opposite, because Buck knows how terrible I was at telling lies. He could come up with the most amazing story about bank robbers or even flying saucers, but I for the life of me, couldn’t. So he’d take over and do the talking. He lied, and I- I was the one who was stuck with the truth… He wouldn’t have sent you here with that word if he didn’t want that for you. To know the truth. I’m surprised though, that it was so quick, that he even wants you to know at all. Did something happen?”

It’s now Eddie’s turn to be sheepish as he sighs and leans back. “I asked him if he wanted to meet my son. I told him that he was my best friend.” It sounds almost lame coming out of his mouth now, very unadultlike, but Maddie is smiling in a sad sort of way. Not making fun, just smiling with a sad sort of understanding.

“He wants you to know the worst of him. He’s not sure if he should meet Christopher. If he’d be good enough for him _to_ know.”

Eddie can’t help laugh almost awkwardly. “You got all that from one code word?”

She shakes her head. “No, I got that from you… He’s always wanted a best friend. Ever since we were little. I left him. The others too, in a way, and now there’s only you. You who never has had reason. He’s just given you one.” She nods to herself as though everything were coming together, then, just as fiercely, she leans in, finger pointed directly at Eddie’s chest. Voice filled with full mama bear attitude as she tells him more seriously than ever, “Don’t you dare break my little brother’s heart. He’s gotten it broken enough for a lifetime… Maybe two. Just because he’s a little spaced out, doesn’t mean that he’s forgotten how to feel things.”

Eddie’s shaking his head, thoughts moving a million times a minute as he tries to process and digest all of this information. It’s going to take a lot longer than one day to do that, but for right now there’s one thing he needs to do above all else. One piece of information that he needs to hold onto above all the others.

And it’s simple really.

Buck is his best friend, and he is Buck’s.

And he loves him, he’s not going to leave him, aliens or no aliens.

…

“Can you just wait a minute here, buddy?” Eddie asks with a small smile as he looks to Buck’s shaggy hair, back to them through the front window. Their trunk, brand new from their trip into the city a few days ago, and Christopher is right beside him. Smile wide on his face and a bag with cookies in it that he and his aunt baked together for Buck. Eddie’s not sure if Buck will eat them, Maddie said he doesn’t like people preparing his food for him, but he couldn’t say no to Christopher, and something tells Eddie that Buck might not be able to do the same.

“Okay, dad.” Christopher smiles wide, and Eddie smiles back before ruffling his hair and getting out. It hurts a little, Christopher calling him ‘dad’ now instead of ‘daddy’. But he’s twelve now, and he’s getting older. He’s not really sure when exactly it happened sometime after his birthday not too long ago, but it really threw him. Reminded him how much time has passed, how much time continues to pass. It also reminds him, not to waste that time. Shannon was here for just a moment, and then she was gone. He took her for granted, he’s not going to make that mistake again.

“Buck!” He calls as he half jogs over. Buck turns around and he has tears in his eyes that make Eddie’s heart still, but he smiles all the same. “Christopher’s here, he wants to see you.”

Buck sniffles, hand coming up to wipe them away. “I- I hurt people.”

“I love you.” Eddie tells him with rushed breath, without thought or a care in the world, because it’s the truth. “You’re my best friend and I love you, and I don’t care. Because I’ve hurt people too, and I didn’t want to, and I don’t think you did either. I can’t imagine what you’ve been through, Buck, but I- We, are not going anywhere.” He looks briefly to Christopher behind them, Christopher who smiles and waves like the amazing kid that he is.

Buck’s tears turn happy as his lips smile, but they falter all the same. “T- Trust.” He whispers almost brokenly.

“I trust you.” Eddie tells him truthfully, with all the honesty in the world adding, “There’s no one I trust more in the world with my son, than you.”

Buck might be a little ‘spaced out,’ but Eddie knows he would never hurt anyone. He knows that he will always do the right thing. He knows that Christopher is smart enough to understand that. Almost as smart as Buck. Because Buck boils his water to make sure it’s clean. He washes his dishes with boiled water and soap. He makes sure that Eddie eats, all the time. He gives him a chair to sit in, and he listens to him talk about his work and his son, and says things that are reassuring, even if they come out funny. Even if it all comes out funny. Eddie gets him. He understands him, and Buck is the same with him. Buck gets him more than anyone else ever has before. Almost as much Shannon did, maybe the same.

He sure loves him the same.

Oh.

_Oh._

“Dad!” Christopher calls, and suddenly he’s getting out of the car himself, crutches under his arms like the young man he’s growing into. Big goofy grin on his lips as he carries the backpack too. On his back, strapped on tight, but carrying it all the same. _Limited, pfft, yeah right._

Buck smiles, he seems to be unable to help it as Christopher walks over and stops in front of him, right beside Eddie who pulls him close. He looks to Buck to his son, then back to Buck. “This is my son, Buck. This is Christopher.”

“I- I have s- something!” Christopher says excitedly as he drops his bag and opens it up quickly. He reaches inside and Eddie waits for the container of cookies to appear, but it never does. Instead Christopher pulls out the old walkie talkie Eddie gave him for his fifth birthday. The one Shannon said he wasn’t old enough to have yet. The one that got stuck in the back of his closet all those years ago. The one that he forgot about.

Buck’s grin widens as he runs over to grab his own, bringing it over and talking into it with, “Hello, Sir. Christopher.”

Even more shocking is the way his voice comes through Christopher’s with ease. Christopher holds down the button and says back, “Sir. Buck! I- It’s ni- nice to meet y- you in p- person.”

Eddie watches them in shock as it all seems to click together. How Buck knew about his name. About the quesadillas and all those other little things, little quirks, Eddie calls them. Things he somehow knew but shouldn’t. It was the walkie talkie’s. When the heck did Buck start talking to his son? When did Christopher start talking to Buck? But for the life of him, he can’t find it within himself to be angry. In fact he finds himself laughing in amusement and love as he tries to be stern. “You both owe me an explanation.”

He looks from one to the other, and they both nod sheepishly, up until Buck asks with excited eyes, “Eggs?”

Somehow, Eddie’s sure that everything’s going to be just fine.

“How about some cookies instead?”

…

Everything goes fine with Buck, him and Christopher get along like a house on fire. He brings him often, and they all watch the stars together. Somehow Buck finds another lawn chair in his RV, and it’s the three of them. All in perfect formation with cups of coffee in hand, (hot chocolate for Christopher), and they’re happy. It’s good. It’s better than good, but the dam has to burst. And it does, one day in November, the longest Buck has ever stayed in Nicon County. Maddie’s almost due, and when the frantic yelling comes over on Buck’s large walkie talkie as he and Eddie cook some more eggs, Eddie’s sure it must have something to do with her, but then Chimney’s voice is saying, _“It’s Bobby! It’s Bobby! He’s collapsed!”_

Eddie’s wide eyes turn to Buck’s. He looks frozen. He looks lost. Eddie reaches for the walkie and yells into it, “What happened? This is Diaz, over.”

Waiting for a response is hell, his foot tapping insistently as he alternates from looking to the walkie, back to Buck. Buck who is still frozen. Buck who is still so lost. Eddie can only put up a short prayer of thanks that Christopher is at home on this trip. He’s not sure what he would do if he was here. What Buck would do.

_“He was complaining of a migraine. We’re at the hospital. Maddie’s running a CT… Oh shit. Eddie, man, you have to get here. Now.”_

Eddie looks to Buck and he snaps. “Buck?” He says to him. “Did you hear that? Are you coming?” He’s worried, overly so. He doesn’t hate his co-workers for what happened to Buck. He’s angry. He’s hurting because Buck is, but he’s closer to forgiveness than he’s afraid Buck ever will be.

Buck shakes his head no frantically, and Eddie hates himself for his next words, but he has to say them. He feels like he needs to. Like they’ve been building up ever since he heard what happened. “I know you might hate him, and that you definitely don’t forgive him, but he’s your family, right? You still care about. I know that you do. Come with me, Buck, please. He needs you.”

Now it’s Buck’s turn to snap. He reaches out and pushes Eddie away with all his might. Eddie who wasn’t expecting it almost falls flat on his ass. Eyes wide and heart crushed as Buck breathes heavily, anger in those eyes like he’s never seen before. But he doesn’t look at Eddie, he looks right up at the sky.

“And what about me, Eddie!? What about when I NEEDED HIM!?”

Eddie doesn’t know what to say to that. Doesn’t know where to even begin. All he can do is shake his head and say, “I don’t know. I don’t know about Bobby, but when my wife needed me, when Christopher needed me, I wasn’t there. I wasn’t there because I- I was hurting. I left them. I was all the way across the world fighting a war, and it kills me. It hurts to think about that, because she had fucking cancer and I wasn’t there, and- and when I finally was, it was too late… Trust me, Buck, you don’t want that.” He silently begs Buck to look at him, but he won’t. “Come with me, before it’s too late. Please, Buck.”

But Buck won’t budge, and Eddie is left walking away, driving away with a heart so cold, it feels like an Arctic winter has taken up shop there.

Buck doesn’t look away from the sky once.

...

Bobby has to have surgery. It’s a brain tumour of all things, and Eddie’s sure that he’s stuck in some soap opera at first when he hears the news, but this is very real. Maddie is already calling in a surgeon from the city to come down and do it. Eddie is left in the waiting room with all the other anxious faces looking back at him as he paces restlessly. The worst part is, all he can think about is Buck. Those eyes glued onto the sky. Afraid to look down and find that he’s still stuck in that elevator, but in a way he is. He’s been stuck in there forever.

Finally, after hours and hours, the surgeon comes out and he smiles. “We got it all. He’s going to be fine. A long road of recovery, but he’s going to be fine.”

Eddie feels better, they all do, and they all go in to see him. He looks so pale, so unalive. Eddie feels himself shiver. The others look relieved and it feels strange. It feels like someone is missing. Like this isn’t it. That there’s more.

“I tried to get Buck to come but…” Eddie trails off, a sudden lump forming in the back of his throat.

“It’s okay.” Hen says softly.

“Thank you for trying.” Maddie’s hand touches his back gently, her other hand on her belly. Chimney nods in agreement. Karen’s outside with Denny, and Eddie feels like there should be more people here, for Bobby. More family, but as it turns out he’s already lost that. Or so it seems until a very familiar and shaggy looking man walks in.

“…Buck?” Hen breathes out.

Maddie’s hand is on her mouth in shock, and Chimney is slack jawed, but all Eddie feels is warm. His lips upturn into a smile as though he were expecting this, because in a way he was. He somehow knew without needing to know, that he would come. Although his red and very dirty feet are slightly concerning. Oh no, did he walk here!?

Buck purposely does not look at anyone as he walks forward, his legs a little wobbly, and eyes a little glassy. One could chalk it up to tears or sadness, but Eddie knows better, and when he locks eyes with Maddie he knows that she knows too. She gives him a slight nod in confirmation. He must have taken his medication, not all of it, but enough to get himself through those doors. Eddie wants to say something, to do something, but he’s stuck. He can’t, because Buck is doing something he hasn’t been able to in five years.

He’s finally getting out of that elevator.

“I f- forgive you.” His eyes are on Bobby’s, but they linger downwards, to the floor, and to the feet of the people he cares for most in this world, save for Christopher who is still at home. “I forgive all of you.”

And yeah, this must be some kind of soap opera, because Bobby starts to wake up.

…

“Does everyone have a cup?” Buck asks as he looks from face to face. The others nod, smiling as they hold up the random and very different multi-coloured coffee mugs. They all have their own coffee, some standing, but mostly sitting on the grass surrounding Buck’s fire. The RV standing as tall and strong as ever. The kids, Denny, Christopher, and now Harry all have hot chocolate. Something that Buck always has on hand now.

“Everyone has a cup, Buck.” Athena says gently, a soft smile on her lips full of fondness for Buck. Ever since she came to fill Bobby’s positon after his early retirement, she’s joked that she now has another son, and in a way she does. Bobby who was high on pain medication when she first saw him in the hospital flirted with her, and she flirted back, and well, as they say, the rest is history.

“Don’t worry, you got everyone, kid.” Bobby chimes in as he wraps an arm around her shoulder, the scar visible under the badly worn baseball cap. Everyone laughed when they saw him wearing it, but Bobby refused to yield. He loves it.

Reilly starts crying then, and Maddie is quick to hold her close with a soft, “Shh, sweetie,” on her lips. Chimney cooing over her gently as his wife hands their daughter over, a roll of her eyes as she mutters barely contained affection, “Daddy’s girl.” 

Chimney chuckles, leaning over to whisper co-conspiratorial in her ear, “Don’t worry, sweetheart, she’s just jealous because you love me more.”

Maddie hits him playfully with a pout, and Chimney is quick to apologize with a soft kiss to her lips that has Buck fake gagging as he quickly moves past them.

“We need to get another one of those.” Karen says with a grin to her partner. Hen laughs gently. “Sure, honey.” Sarcasm leaking out of her words that doesn’t quite meet the longing in her eyes.

“It’s too bad May couldn’t come.” Eddie says as he looks up to Athena from his special, ‘Sir. Edmundo’s chair.’ Christopher who sits in his own set tightly between his and Buck’s sips his hot chocolate happily as Buck passes it over to him. He takes his seat own beside him as holds his coffee close to him, pushing his hair back, still as long as ever, but sleeker now that it’s combed and washed out, curtesy of Maddie who was asked to. Buck’s soft sheepish grin as he did so, was adorable, Eddie thinks silently to himself as he reflects on the past few months, the happiest he- and well, any of them, have ever been.

“She’s got her exams and a big paper due.” Athena explains. “Apparently going to school to get a doctorate is no joke.”

“And you’re insanely proud, right?” Hen asks with a quirk of her eyebrows at the same time Maddie says, “It so isn’t.”

“Stupidly.” Is Athena’s reply.

“I for one would hate being a doctor, too much blood.” Josh shivers at the suggestion.

“She’s going into physics.” Athena deadpans.

Josh looks to her, an apology on his lips, but before he can give it, Buck shushes them all. “Shh, it’s starting.”

They all look up then, to that great beyond where the meteorites start falling. Big specks of light moving so quick, it’s a blink of an eye. Skating across planets and galaxies, and maybe even other life itself, not that Eddie believes in that, but Buck does. And as he watches his eyes light up, full of wonder and possibility, maybe he’s starting to believe in it too.

It took everything for them all to get here, but it was worth. It all is. Buck is.

As though he can really read his mind, Buck looks up, to him. Past Christopher who sips his hot chocolate happily. He reaches out, a finger pointed out that Eddie can’t help but chuckle at, and meet, somewhere in the middle. Christopher sighs and reaches out from between them, taking both of their hands as he balances his hot chocolate on his lap, he brings them together until they’re both holding on. Christopher leaves one hand with theirs and reaches for his drink.

Eddie laughs awkwardly as his cheeks redden, his eyes turning back to the skies as Buck does the same, just as a large flying disc full of blinking lights flies by. Slowing down as it hovers above them. The lights blink on and off one, twice, then a third time. Eddie’s left staring in complete and utter shock, and he’s not the only one.

“What the…” Chimney trails off.

“Did you all see that?” Hen asks in disbelief.

“Uh, huh.” Josh nods, eyes dazed as the others nod along with him.

“Don’t worry.” Buck says good-naturally, with a wink. “They’re just saying hello.”

He holds up his free hand, and waves, and Eddie squeezes his other one because he can. And Buck doesn’t pull away. He stays right where he is, and his eyes are on his too, they’re no longer only lost in the skies, they’re also lost in his.

The disc disappears, but Eddie’s love for this man, his best friend, doesn’t.

Aliens or no aliens.

And well, isn’t that something?

**Author's Note:**

> Buck suffers from some brain damage and mental illness, I don't go into specifics, because I don't think it's needed and also because this is from Eddie's POV. He understands the medical condtions and fancy words, but underneath it all he sees it as a different way one has to live their life, and it doesn't have to be limited like people say. It might be different from others, but tt can be limitless. And so can your life, dear reader. Don't ever forget that.  
> And thank you for reading. It means a lot to me. x


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